I am humbled and amazed. I am SO unworthy of God's love and grace. His mercy on me never ceases to amaze me.....I don't deserve it. I am thankful that God doesn't think of me the way that I think of myself. I am thankful that God loves me for who I am, and for who I will one day become. I am thankful that He sees "My Bigger Picture". I am thankful for every single thing He gives me. I am thankful for what I know He does for me and for those things I have not seen, and never will. I am thankful for peace. I am thankful for deliverance from myself. I am thankful for the seasons in my life. I am thankful for His faithfulness to me. I am thankful for healing-spiritual, physical, and mental. I am thankful that You give me the smallest idea of just how big You are. I will never get it...just how big You are. I am thankful that my biggest problem, is nothing compared to you. You are Bigger.
Thank you God. And on these days, I pray that You will accept my gratitude, my songs of praise. And on the days that I "forget" just how good You are to me, I ask for Your forgiveness and mercy. More mercy. And let me be reminded just how bad things could be without you looking after me....every. single. minute. of. every. single. day. I want more of You. I want to be constantly "waiting for you". Constantly wanting more of You.
I love you Lord, and I pray that people see You in me. Thank You. Thank. You.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Not So Fast: Slow-Down Solutions…
~ Make Gold: Speak a love language today: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch
~ See Silver: Accept a little creative mess today so dreams can be made
~ Touch Gold: Kneel in Prayer for 10 minutes
~ Line it Silver: tickle someone, laugh long, tell a joke
~ Gather Gold: Memorize one verse of Scripture today…. carry His treasured words with you today
~ Make Gold: Speak a love language today: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch
~ See Silver: Accept a little creative mess today so dreams can be made
~ Touch Gold: Kneel in Prayer for 10 minutes
~ Line it Silver: tickle someone, laugh long, tell a joke
~ Gather Gold: Memorize one verse of Scripture today…. carry His treasured words with you today
From 'One Thousand Gifts'....my prayer
I am no longer my own blogger, but Thine, O Lord.
Refine me with each post how You will, rank me how You will.
Put me to service, or put me to suffering.
Let me post for Thee or be put aside for Thee,
Lifted high, only for Thee, or brought low, all for Thee.
Do with me and each post whatever you will, because You alone know best.
Let me not strive but submit Let me not compete but care
Let me not desire hits but holiness
Let me be a follower, instead of seeking followers.
Let my blog be full of Thee, and let it be empty of me.
Let me crave all things of Thee, let me care nothing of this world.
Let my words be worthy of the greatest of audiences: You.
And You are enough.
May I write not for subscribers… but only for Thy smile.
May my daily affirmation be in the surety of my atonement,
not the size of my audience.
May my identity be in the innumerable graces of Christ,
never, God forbid, the numbers of my comments.
May the only words that matter in my life not be the ones I write on a screen ---
but the ones I live with my skin.
I freely and heartily yield every sentence, every title, every post, every comment… or no comments… all to Thine pleasure and perfect will.
My only fame is that I bear Your name
My only glory is the gift of Your Grace
My only readership, Your eyes that seek to and fro to find a heart hard after You.
Make this so, oh Lord…
Yahweh, You alone are my God, not Google
Jesus, You alone are my Savior, not site meters
And Holy Spirit, You alone are my Comforter, not comments
So be it, today, yesterday, and every post to come.
This is my prayer I have made on earth and over this keyboard… let it be ratified in heaven.
Amen.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Oh, Pam......
I feel the need to share this with you. The following is a completely true story. NO exaggerations! If anything, I am underplaying this. It went down a little something like this......
A friend of mine, we'll call her "Pam", went into a local establishment to take care of some business. She walks into this establishment and sees an old "friend" who she used to go to church with and this woman also taught her years ago in a Bible study. They haven't seen each other in quite a while. They have both moved onto different churches, and "Pam" felt like she didn't really have the "qualities" the other woman was looking for when they did attend church together. "Pam" didn't have one of the biggest houses in the church, she didn't have a lot of "bling", she didn't brag about all they had and how much money they made, you get the point.
So, "Pam" walks in and is immediately met by this other woman who is now working at this establishment. "Pam" is actually shocked at how "friendly" and "loving" and "nice" this woman now was. "Pam" is thinking 'WOW, she really has changed. What a nice person she has become.' This woman was "Pam's" new BFF. This woman is going on and on about how they have since left the church they once attended together. She proceeded to bash the pastor of their old church, the people in the church,and talk about how bad the church was. She began to talk about people that "Pam" and her were mutual friends with. She was talking about how warm and fussy she is and how much she just loves all people and people's children, and how other people were cold and heartless and stupid and she just didn't get it. So, here "Pam" is thinking, 'gosh, we were obviously closer than I thought we were, she wouldn't sit here and tell just anyone this stuff'.
So, out comes the paperwork that needs to be completed by this woman for "Pam" to have her transaction complete. (Now, I just want to go ahead, and tell you who are reading this....sit down.....and hold onto something, get something to keep your mouth shut as it will drop open) The woman gets her pen, has the paperwork in front of her, nice and neat, and then, the other woman says, "Now, what was your last name again?" "Pam" tells her and thinks, 'well, anyone could forget a last name....it's ok.' Then it happens....the next question is totally true....the other woman says..."and what was your first name again?" Oh yes....totally true story......The other woman then says, 'hhhmmm, I was thinking your name was Pam for some reason.'
Now, this story was funny, at first. As "Pam" told me this story, we laughed at all of the things that this woman was saying, some things very personal about other people. And then to say, "what was your first name again?" Really?????
It hit me....sure, we could sit and laugh at this because "Pam" is a well adjusted individual who knows Christ as her Savior, who has a family and a church family that she loves. However, what if "Pam" was one of the many women who have been hurt so deeply by one of the "other women" of the church. What if "Pam" was someone who so desperately needed a friend at that moment, and thought for a brief moment that this was going to be her day...the day that friend had been put on her doorstep....only to be asked..."what's your name again?"
Girls we need to be so careful of what we say, who we say it to, and when we say it. This story is the exact reason people aren't involved in church. This story is the exact reason people say "church" people are hypocrites. I feel pretty confident that most of us out there have had a "bad church experience." But, you know what....we don't need to tell everyone about it. If we had a bad experience, it is OUR GOD who brought us to that season in our life. To teach us lessons that will so much better prepare us for our next season. Let's do this...let's keep our mouths shut. Let's be thankful we aren't in that same season of "bad experience" and let's be thankful to OUR GOD for yet another chance to learn to see and appreciate all of the good things that are in our current season!
A friend of mine, we'll call her "Pam", went into a local establishment to take care of some business. She walks into this establishment and sees an old "friend" who she used to go to church with and this woman also taught her years ago in a Bible study. They haven't seen each other in quite a while. They have both moved onto different churches, and "Pam" felt like she didn't really have the "qualities" the other woman was looking for when they did attend church together. "Pam" didn't have one of the biggest houses in the church, she didn't have a lot of "bling", she didn't brag about all they had and how much money they made, you get the point.
So, "Pam" walks in and is immediately met by this other woman who is now working at this establishment. "Pam" is actually shocked at how "friendly" and "loving" and "nice" this woman now was. "Pam" is thinking 'WOW, she really has changed. What a nice person she has become.' This woman was "Pam's" new BFF. This woman is going on and on about how they have since left the church they once attended together. She proceeded to bash the pastor of their old church, the people in the church,and talk about how bad the church was. She began to talk about people that "Pam" and her were mutual friends with. She was talking about how warm and fussy she is and how much she just loves all people and people's children, and how other people were cold and heartless and stupid and she just didn't get it. So, here "Pam" is thinking, 'gosh, we were obviously closer than I thought we were, she wouldn't sit here and tell just anyone this stuff'.
So, out comes the paperwork that needs to be completed by this woman for "Pam" to have her transaction complete. (Now, I just want to go ahead, and tell you who are reading this....sit down.....and hold onto something, get something to keep your mouth shut as it will drop open) The woman gets her pen, has the paperwork in front of her, nice and neat, and then, the other woman says, "Now, what was your last name again?" "Pam" tells her and thinks, 'well, anyone could forget a last name....it's ok.' Then it happens....the next question is totally true....the other woman says..."and what was your first name again?" Oh yes....totally true story......The other woman then says, 'hhhmmm, I was thinking your name was Pam for some reason.'
Now, this story was funny, at first. As "Pam" told me this story, we laughed at all of the things that this woman was saying, some things very personal about other people. And then to say, "what was your first name again?" Really?????
It hit me....sure, we could sit and laugh at this because "Pam" is a well adjusted individual who knows Christ as her Savior, who has a family and a church family that she loves. However, what if "Pam" was one of the many women who have been hurt so deeply by one of the "other women" of the church. What if "Pam" was someone who so desperately needed a friend at that moment, and thought for a brief moment that this was going to be her day...the day that friend had been put on her doorstep....only to be asked..."what's your name again?"
Girls we need to be so careful of what we say, who we say it to, and when we say it. This story is the exact reason people aren't involved in church. This story is the exact reason people say "church" people are hypocrites. I feel pretty confident that most of us out there have had a "bad church experience." But, you know what....we don't need to tell everyone about it. If we had a bad experience, it is OUR GOD who brought us to that season in our life. To teach us lessons that will so much better prepare us for our next season. Let's do this...let's keep our mouths shut. Let's be thankful we aren't in that same season of "bad experience" and let's be thankful to OUR GOD for yet another chance to learn to see and appreciate all of the good things that are in our current season!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Cycle-Pit-Jumper
I have never EVER been more certain than right now, that satan is a disgusting, slimy, slithering snake. His primary purpose is to kick us when we're down and get us as far away from our Savior as possible. He wants us so deep in "the" pit, that we think, "this is just how it's going to be, this is how it's always been, this is what is meant for me". I am here to tell you, IT is a LIE. It is only Satan trying to bring you down right now! He is trying to keep you in whatever pit you are in, whether you were kicked into the pit, whether you were pushed into the pit or whether you just jumped in...this is his plan. He is trying to get you to feel so awful about yourself, to get you to start with the "poor me" sob story, which will only lead to self pity and anger. He is doing whatever he can, using whatever he knows will just knock you on your tale....to bring us as far away from our Savior as He can. Because he thinks that when we are so far down, when we feel totally destroyed, that it is safe for him to move onto someone else and attack.
I have learned (and by learned I really mean I was struck in the face with this yesterday morning at 8:17am) that we can NEVER be destroyed....we can be knocked down....but NEVER can we be destroyed with God and the Holy Spirit!
I had NO idea that I was in a pit. I put the girls on the bus yesterday morning, after a very bad morning with Ella. I walked back into the house, crying, I was DONE! Something needed to change, I needed to do something. What was wrong with me?
I sat on the couch and I kept thinking, "I need to be in the Word, I need Him now, this minute, more than I have in a very long time". But I didn't even know where to look. So, I looked up my friend, Beth on the internet. (Some of you may call her Beth Moore, but her and I are now on first name basis....well, I'm sure we would be if she knew I existed.) I go to Wednesday's with Beth Moore on Lifetoday.org. James Robison and Beth are talking about pits.
So, I'm sitting here, listening so intently on what she is saying, because that's what you do with, Beth, you intently listen, and it hit me! Holy flippin cow.....I am in a pit! Not only am I in a pit, but I jumped in! And I jumped in because that is what I do....I am a cycle-pit-jumper!
I have successfully jumped into one of the same pits that I have been in many (so many) times before. A pit can be any situation that we think will never get better, that "it is what it is", anything that makes us feel like we can't get our feet on the ground, and anything or anyone that makes us lose our vision of God. I was so frustrated with life in general yesterday morning. I was so done with the way that things had been going. And yesterday morning, I realized, this is God. This is God making me so miserable in this pit that I will do whatever it takes to get out and not come back again. God was getting my attention. I haven't been having a relationship with Him, I haven't been living in Him. Instead, I went pit-jumping and needed to be rescued like only He can rescue. I was in bondage because I wasn't fully trusting God. So, I got on my knees and I did these 3 things:
1- I cried out for Help. I cried to be saved. I cried out for His mercy, once again.
2- I repented. I asked for forgiveness for not fully trusting, for the un-love in my heart, for not being forgiving of things that have happened in the past, for wanting so much from someone that is just not capable of giving what I need. I told God I was angry. I was angry that He didn't give me something that I thought I should have had. And I repented of so much more......
3- I consented to God. I totally consented to all of the good He has for me. I opened my arms and my heart....just waiting for all of the wonderful things He has in store for me. I am waiting.....
A pit doesn't have to be an addiction, or something clearly marked with a "THIS IS YOUR PIT" sign. I challenge you to get with God. On your knees, in complete humility. That's what I did. And I had the ugly cry going on, too! Go to Him and ask Him to reveal what your pit may be. Whether you jumped in, or whether you were born into it....it doesn't matter. It's not what God has for us.
I have learned (and by learned I really mean I was struck in the face with this yesterday morning at 8:17am) that we can NEVER be destroyed....we can be knocked down....but NEVER can we be destroyed with God and the Holy Spirit!
I had NO idea that I was in a pit. I put the girls on the bus yesterday morning, after a very bad morning with Ella. I walked back into the house, crying, I was DONE! Something needed to change, I needed to do something. What was wrong with me?
I sat on the couch and I kept thinking, "I need to be in the Word, I need Him now, this minute, more than I have in a very long time". But I didn't even know where to look. So, I looked up my friend, Beth on the internet. (Some of you may call her Beth Moore, but her and I are now on first name basis....well, I'm sure we would be if she knew I existed.) I go to Wednesday's with Beth Moore on Lifetoday.org. James Robison and Beth are talking about pits.
So, I'm sitting here, listening so intently on what she is saying, because that's what you do with, Beth, you intently listen, and it hit me! Holy flippin cow.....I am in a pit! Not only am I in a pit, but I jumped in! And I jumped in because that is what I do....I am a cycle-pit-jumper!
I have successfully jumped into one of the same pits that I have been in many (so many) times before. A pit can be any situation that we think will never get better, that "it is what it is", anything that makes us feel like we can't get our feet on the ground, and anything or anyone that makes us lose our vision of God. I was so frustrated with life in general yesterday morning. I was so done with the way that things had been going. And yesterday morning, I realized, this is God. This is God making me so miserable in this pit that I will do whatever it takes to get out and not come back again. God was getting my attention. I haven't been having a relationship with Him, I haven't been living in Him. Instead, I went pit-jumping and needed to be rescued like only He can rescue. I was in bondage because I wasn't fully trusting God. So, I got on my knees and I did these 3 things:
1- I cried out for Help. I cried to be saved. I cried out for His mercy, once again.
2- I repented. I asked for forgiveness for not fully trusting, for the un-love in my heart, for not being forgiving of things that have happened in the past, for wanting so much from someone that is just not capable of giving what I need. I told God I was angry. I was angry that He didn't give me something that I thought I should have had. And I repented of so much more......
3- I consented to God. I totally consented to all of the good He has for me. I opened my arms and my heart....just waiting for all of the wonderful things He has in store for me. I am waiting.....
A pit doesn't have to be an addiction, or something clearly marked with a "THIS IS YOUR PIT" sign. I challenge you to get with God. On your knees, in complete humility. That's what I did. And I had the ugly cry going on, too! Go to Him and ask Him to reveal what your pit may be. Whether you jumped in, or whether you were born into it....it doesn't matter. It's not what God has for us.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
So, I'm back at home now. To a quiet, peaceful, empty house. And....I have to say, it's kind of lonely and sad. I don't care who you are, the first day of school is always hard. Whether you like to admit it or not...it's hard. And after yesterday, a day I would like to refer to as Ella Club (yes, just like Fight Club, only with a 6 year old), I was SO ready for school to start back. Especially for Ella. I found myself wandering all day, "is there really a way to make your child too independent?" "How in the world did she get like this?" "Who is this kid?" "WTHECK????????????" And then, the awful realization, "she's just like me!" People say it all the time, and I have NO idea what you all are talking about! From not wanting me to pick out any of her clothes, to "knowing exactly what size I wear, and this you have to wear tighter because it looks better tight", to sitting in a restaurant and breaking into, "Na-na-na-na-na-na-na I'm gonna start a fight" (Pink), then straight into, " You stole my heart and you made me cry, I wanna uh-uh-uh-undue it" (Carrie Underwood),and these were sung loudly too, to walking, I mean strutting, through stores yesterday like she owned the place....I was DONE! I was so thankful today was THE day. And now, I'm wandering what this wet, clear, salty, water-like substance is that keeps welling up in my eye orifices! So, although I'm not at the Walmart walking around aimlessly for hours (yes, hours...don't judge me!) looking at office and school supplies...I'm still a bit sad. I have a 5th grader and a 1st grader. WOW....I know that every single parent feels that way....but WOW! So, I'm gonna go and drown my sadness in my great walk outdoors....and listen to my ipod, and then come home and possibly clean some windows or something. That's my day. And I'm gonna be in prayer for this school year. I am thanking God right now...for this wonderful school year. And for the wonderful things He is going to do this year. Especially with Hannah. She is going to realize what God has in store for her and she is going to realize that she is who GOD says she is! Praise Jesus! Thank You God for this wonderful school year!
Then....after school, we are going to Sweet Bee to have a yogurt and talk about the day!
Then....after school, we are going to Sweet Bee to have a yogurt and talk about the day!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Just a few thoughts....
~ I hate that this is the last week of summer vacation! I'm just not looking forward to homework and getting everyone up early in the mornings.
~Ella's first grade teacher is going to have her hands full.
~I would appreciate prayers for Hannah. That her 5th grade year will be wonderful. That she will feel confident with herself and have daily courage to speak up for herself. That she will be confident in who she is, and that she is who God says she is, and that she will let herself out of her "shell" long enough to make new friends.
~Pray for me, for Chris and I. That we are giving our girls what they need at home, that we let them know who God says they are, so that they can make responsible decisions when we're not around.
~Hannah did a great job baking last night (until midnight) for the fair....hopefully she'll do well.
~New Christmas cookie favorite-Snickerdoodle Cookies with a cream cheese filling....doesn't sound like something you're interested in....OH.....please let me know....I will hand deliver them to you. UHH-MAZE-ING! :)
~Still working on my 5K training....doing better than I ever thought I would. However....I've now done something to my knee. I'm pretty sure it's just my body rejecting exercise. Or, it could be from my excursion at the Walmart....or it could be the 1500 times I fell going UP and DOWN the camper stairs this weekend when we were camping?????
~I enjoy biking. And when I say biking, I really mean drifting....not a fan of pedaling the whole time.
~It is hard to trust GOD when you really want something and it just doesn't seem to be happening. I have been saying this prayer repeatedly, "God I thank You for protecting me from everything I don't know of. I cast on You all of my anxiety and worry. Thank You for taking it from me. I am putting all of my trust in You, God, to do what You do. And I pray, no matter what the outcome, that I remain thankful and faithful to You and Your work."
~I am really trying hard to not be the kind of person that when I don't like someone, they know and everyone else knows. (by facial expressions, lack of talking, evil glares, etc.,because, that is TOTALLY who I am, and I am SO wrong for this!) I am trying to be more kind, even in the worse situations.
~Ella's first grade teacher is going to have her hands full.
~I would appreciate prayers for Hannah. That her 5th grade year will be wonderful. That she will feel confident with herself and have daily courage to speak up for herself. That she will be confident in who she is, and that she is who God says she is, and that she will let herself out of her "shell" long enough to make new friends.
~Pray for me, for Chris and I. That we are giving our girls what they need at home, that we let them know who God says they are, so that they can make responsible decisions when we're not around.
~Hannah did a great job baking last night (until midnight) for the fair....hopefully she'll do well.
~New Christmas cookie favorite-Snickerdoodle Cookies with a cream cheese filling....doesn't sound like something you're interested in....OH.....please let me know....I will hand deliver them to you. UHH-MAZE-ING! :)
~Still working on my 5K training....doing better than I ever thought I would. However....I've now done something to my knee. I'm pretty sure it's just my body rejecting exercise. Or, it could be from my excursion at the Walmart....or it could be the 1500 times I fell going UP and DOWN the camper stairs this weekend when we were camping?????
~I enjoy biking. And when I say biking, I really mean drifting....not a fan of pedaling the whole time.
~It is hard to trust GOD when you really want something and it just doesn't seem to be happening. I have been saying this prayer repeatedly, "God I thank You for protecting me from everything I don't know of. I cast on You all of my anxiety and worry. Thank You for taking it from me. I am putting all of my trust in You, God, to do what You do. And I pray, no matter what the outcome, that I remain thankful and faithful to You and Your work."
~I am really trying hard to not be the kind of person that when I don't like someone, they know and everyone else knows. (by facial expressions, lack of talking, evil glares, etc.,because, that is TOTALLY who I am, and I am SO wrong for this!) I am trying to be more kind, even in the worse situations.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Now this is the GOD I'm talking about!
Girl put life on line in to save Wash. state boy
By JEFF BARNARD - Associated Press,MIKE BAKER - Associated Press LONG BEACH, Wash. (AP) — As Charles Ostrander flailed in the turbulent waves of the Pacific, it was another 12-year-old who put her life on the line to save him — the first in a series of responders who eventually pulled Ostrander back from the brink of death.
She said he seemed to have trouble focusing his eyes for most of the 15-minute reunion. But as she left, he made eye contact for the first time and said, "Thank you."
___
Barnard reported from Grants Pass, Ore. Associated Press writers Jonathan J. Cooper in Portland, Ore., and Alicia Chang in Los Angeles contributed to this report.
Nicole Kissel's daring actions provided rescue crews with what turned out to be a crucial extension of time. Ostrander, who goes by his nickname Dale, ended up spending several minutes lost in the water, was found lifeless in the surf but has since been revived in a remarkable recovery that defied even the expectations of his parents.
On Wednesday, he was out of the ICU and starting to talk with his family.
(AP Photo/Chinook Observer, Damian Mulinix) - Click to see more photos of boy's dramatic rescue.
After hearing Dale's call for help Friday, Nicole immediately turned her boogie board toward deeper waters despite the objections of her father, who shouted over the crashing waves about the dangerous conditions. Nicole managed to reach Dale, who was struggling to stay afloat, and helped him onto the three-foot board. Together, the two youths struggled against the rip current that had turned an average day at a popular beach into chaos.
"When we were on that board, I kind of shouted out to myself: 'We're going to die. I can't die like this,'" Nicole recalled.
Dale, meanwhile, had offered words of assurance: "Keep paddling. We're almost there."
If only.
A rogue wave slammed into the pair, knocking them off the board. Nicole managed to get back up, but Dale disappeared back into the surf.
By the time rescuers had reached the beach, fellow members of the church group Dale had been traveling with were huddled in tears and prayer while some stood on trucks trying to get a vantage point to spot him.
Eddie Mendez, a volunteer water rescuer, was working his day job at a construction site when the emergency call came in. The 34-year-old immediately drove over to the beach and changed into a wet suit while his colleague launched two jet skis.
Mendez said he saw a shadow moving under the breaking water offshore, so he and a diver rushed over. They scanned the area for a few minutes before Mendez spotted the shadow again. They found the boy floating about two feet below the surface of the water.
"He was white-pale and face down," Mendez said.
As they pulled the boy on board, Mendez realized he was rescuing a child — about the age of his own daughter.
"I thought, 'Wow, this is like my own child,'" Mendez said.
Mendez drove the boy to the beach, where emergency responders began trying to revive him. There was no sign of life but they kept performing CPR as they transported him. Finally, after Dale reached a nearby hospital, his pulse returned.
Then Dale was flown from the southwest Washington coast to OHSU Doernbecher Children's Hospital in Portland, Ore. His parents were still steeling themselves for the worst.
"I expected to say our goodbyes and so did my wife, and we were just prepared for that," said Chad Ostrander, who was at the family's home in Spanaway, Wash., when it happened. But on Sunday night, as he was eased off sedatives, Dale opened his eyes.
"At that moment, that was the first glimmer of any hope," his father said. "It didn't mean he was going to make it. It just meant that there was hope."
It's unclear whether he'll fully recover, but his parents have hope.
"There's been several miracles just in the circumstances of finding him, the fact that he's not dead, the fact that he can move, the fact that he can speak," Chad Ostrander said. "Unbelievable."
Generally, the chances of surviving a near-drowning increase when a person is young, the water is cold and the time spent underwater is short. Dr. Mark Morocco, an emergency room doctor at the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center, said medical literature cites at least one case in which a person survived after being submerged for about an hour.
Morocco said the fact that Dale was wearing long sleeves probably helped him.
It is not clear how long the boy was actually underwater. Mendez said about 15 minutes elapsed between the time rescuers were dispatched and the time Dale was pulled from the ocean.
Morocco, who was not involved in Dale's care, said swift treatment was key. He credited rescuers for continuing resuscitation efforts even though the boy lacked a pulse and reflexes.
"When this kid came out of the surf, he looked dead," he said. "But you have to ignore the fact that he looks dead" and give CPR.
Dale starting talking on Monday. When his parents encouraged him to cough to clear his throat, he replied, "I don't have to."
Doctors have cautioned his parents that even if Dale survives, he could have permanent brain damage.
The physicians "were very clear that he had been under for too long, had been without oxygen for too long," Kirsten Ostrander said. "We trust (God) no matter what."
Dale will need speech and physical therapy, and can't get out of his hospital bed yet, his father said.
"Things are going along better than anyone expected so at this point we're very happy," he said.
"Honestly, all of the doctors' prospects are very negative. They're very honest and blunt. But they said every once in a while there's a miracle, and we don't want to give up on that," Ostrander said.
Dale has uttered a few more words. Ostrander said that when he told him he couldn't get out of bed, "He reared up and said, 'Yes, I can.'"
Two more words came Wednesday, when Nicole Kissel visited him.She said he seemed to have trouble focusing his eyes for most of the 15-minute reunion. But as she left, he made eye contact for the first time and said, "Thank you."
___
Barnard reported from Grants Pass, Ore. Associated Press writers Jonathan J. Cooper in Portland, Ore., and Alicia Chang in Los Angeles contributed to this report.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Just some things on my mind.....
-I am tired of fighting with my girls....therefore, almost ready for school to start! (I only say this today, because I'm frustrated....the thought of school starting actually makes me sick)
-I don't want to be the kind of person that people don't want to do things in front of for fear that I will make fun of them
-I love the way that God uses Beth Moore to speak to me
- I love Phil Wickham....my latest favorite
-I love that God gives us the ability to have faith that can move mountains.....
-I love not knowing every single thing that God has protected us from or held us back from on any given day
-I want to get better at making memories with my girls
-I have a heavy heart for our church congregation....
-I cannot wait to see what God does in the lives of those who see the movie"Courageous"! P-O-W-E-R-F-U-L!
-I don't want to be the kind of person that people don't want to do things in front of for fear that I will make fun of them
-I love the way that God uses Beth Moore to speak to me
- I love Phil Wickham....my latest favorite
-I love that God gives us the ability to have faith that can move mountains.....
-I love not knowing every single thing that God has protected us from or held us back from on any given day
-I want to get better at making memories with my girls
-I have a heavy heart for our church congregation....
-I cannot wait to see what God does in the lives of those who see the movie"Courageous"! P-O-W-E-R-F-U-L!
Monday, August 1, 2011
I used to hate the thought of CPR.....until it was given to me!
I just need to share exactly what's on my heart. I can't believe it's been almost 2 months since I last wrote. I am completely overtaken at how MY GOD has moved in my life since my first post. My heart, my life, my spirit, my laugh, my tears, my purpose, and my writing has a complete new meaning. When I first started to write, it was for healing. And I have never been more thankful to say, "thank you, MY GOD, for Your precious healing." I have been shown that no matter how broken, used, ugly, beat down, unworthy, and shameful we think we are, that is not how OUR GOD sees us. Nor is it the way HE wants us to see ourselves. From now on, my writing (which I am going to try to do every MONDAY), will be changed. Because I am changed. I am a child of GOD and I want to be used. No matter how broken or imperfect....I am a wonderfully made child of GOD.
I thank GOD for His total awesomeness, I thank GOD for all He has blessed me with, for all that I am aware of and mostly for the blessings I am unaware of! I thank Him for revealing Himself to me and also to those around me. I thank MY GOD for the precious Christian friends HE has hand picked and put in my life....even if it is for a season....I am thankful!
My testimony is this....I was broken, ashamed, feeling un-loved and feeling like I couldn't be used. I was tired. So tired of feeling this way. I needed something more. And in January it happened....I WANTED something more, I WANTED be used. And that's all HE needed. Me Wanting. That's all He needed......So, here I am with this "want" to be used and this "want" of something more. Then, MY GOD told me to write a blog, and make sure others read it, too. I thought, "I don't write, and if I did I wouldn't tell anyone." But, I did it. And this would be my first step in true obedience to MY GOD. Every single time I would write, MY GOD would speak to me, and I know that I heard Him loud and clear....because He knows that's what I need....LOUD AND CLEAR....like burning bush clear! So, I would write and pray, and He would listen and speak. Isn't God just wonderful in that way?
So, here I am with this "want" to be used and this "want" of something more. And He started speaking. Every time I wrote. And people actually read. People that I didn't even know read this blog and let me know of the impact it was having in their lives....Yep, I wanted to be used, and HE used. He has filled me with an inner joy and and a heart to want to be better and to want better for others and a prayer for unbelief to be conquered! OUR GOD is who He says He is, He can do what He says He'll do, and my MOST favorite of all....WE are who HE says we are....WOW! If that doesn't get you....check your freakin' pulse.....WE are who HE says we are!
So, this is now my journey. Not to be perfect, not to feel perfect, but to live a life of prayer and worship and to show others that unbelief can be conquered. Please don't read this and think that I am now trouble-free and have perfect circumstances, and that I have no worries....these are daily issues for me. I just don't put all of my focus on them. Worry, for me, means to doubt MY GOD. And I have learned, the hard way, this is not the smartest thing to do. God has not asked us to believe IN Him....He wants us to BELIEVE HIM. One of my favorite quotes, from one of my most favorite women ever, Beth Moore..." Believing and speaking the truth of God's word is like receiving blessed CPR from the Holy Spirit." I have been given this CPR!
So, I pray this, " I want to trust You in all situations. Even when they look like they are going the opposite way that I would have them go. I pray that You help me remember to be thankful in EVERY thing. To pray without ceasing. I pray that I "see the doughnut, not the hole." I thank you for Conquering and Rising! I thank you for being the GOD of my salvation. I pray that You continue to fill me with the faith I need to never let unbelief conquer me...again. I pray that when I worship, I can continue to close my eyes and remember that I am worshiping to an audience of ONE. I am thankful for seasons. The good and the bad. Thank You for the bad ones that lead to the wonderful. Most of all, I am so thankful that You love me just as I am, but I am more thankful that you love me enough not to leave me that way!"
Now, I don't care if I cry or if anyone sees me.
I'm getting a t-shirt that says "FREE HUGS" and Ima wear it proudly!
I have a passion for prayer. Hard, gut wrenching prayer. To hear that swishing sound of swords when we all come together and let our voices be heard....this gives me chills.
I have a passion for hurting hearts and those who are conquered by unbelief.
I have a passion for worship....true worship....7 days a week, 24 hours a day.....
I love having passion again......
I thank GOD for His total awesomeness, I thank GOD for all He has blessed me with, for all that I am aware of and mostly for the blessings I am unaware of! I thank Him for revealing Himself to me and also to those around me. I thank MY GOD for the precious Christian friends HE has hand picked and put in my life....even if it is for a season....I am thankful!
My testimony is this....I was broken, ashamed, feeling un-loved and feeling like I couldn't be used. I was tired. So tired of feeling this way. I needed something more. And in January it happened....I WANTED something more, I WANTED be used. And that's all HE needed. Me Wanting. That's all He needed......So, here I am with this "want" to be used and this "want" of something more. Then, MY GOD told me to write a blog, and make sure others read it, too. I thought, "I don't write, and if I did I wouldn't tell anyone." But, I did it. And this would be my first step in true obedience to MY GOD. Every single time I would write, MY GOD would speak to me, and I know that I heard Him loud and clear....because He knows that's what I need....LOUD AND CLEAR....like burning bush clear! So, I would write and pray, and He would listen and speak. Isn't God just wonderful in that way?
So, here I am with this "want" to be used and this "want" of something more. And He started speaking. Every time I wrote. And people actually read. People that I didn't even know read this blog and let me know of the impact it was having in their lives....Yep, I wanted to be used, and HE used. He has filled me with an inner joy and and a heart to want to be better and to want better for others and a prayer for unbelief to be conquered! OUR GOD is who He says He is, He can do what He says He'll do, and my MOST favorite of all....WE are who HE says we are....WOW! If that doesn't get you....check your freakin' pulse.....WE are who HE says we are!
So, this is now my journey. Not to be perfect, not to feel perfect, but to live a life of prayer and worship and to show others that unbelief can be conquered. Please don't read this and think that I am now trouble-free and have perfect circumstances, and that I have no worries....these are daily issues for me. I just don't put all of my focus on them. Worry, for me, means to doubt MY GOD. And I have learned, the hard way, this is not the smartest thing to do. God has not asked us to believe IN Him....He wants us to BELIEVE HIM. One of my favorite quotes, from one of my most favorite women ever, Beth Moore..." Believing and speaking the truth of God's word is like receiving blessed CPR from the Holy Spirit." I have been given this CPR!
So, I pray this, " I want to trust You in all situations. Even when they look like they are going the opposite way that I would have them go. I pray that You help me remember to be thankful in EVERY thing. To pray without ceasing. I pray that I "see the doughnut, not the hole." I thank you for Conquering and Rising! I thank you for being the GOD of my salvation. I pray that You continue to fill me with the faith I need to never let unbelief conquer me...again. I pray that when I worship, I can continue to close my eyes and remember that I am worshiping to an audience of ONE. I am thankful for seasons. The good and the bad. Thank You for the bad ones that lead to the wonderful. Most of all, I am so thankful that You love me just as I am, but I am more thankful that you love me enough not to leave me that way!"
Now, I don't care if I cry or if anyone sees me.
I'm getting a t-shirt that says "FREE HUGS" and Ima wear it proudly!
I have a passion for prayer. Hard, gut wrenching prayer. To hear that swishing sound of swords when we all come together and let our voices be heard....this gives me chills.
I have a passion for hurting hearts and those who are conquered by unbelief.
I have a passion for worship....true worship....7 days a week, 24 hours a day.....
I love having passion again......
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Pride. It's not gonna be my downfall....
As I sit here, guilt has literally taken over. It has been so long since I've sat here in front of this computer and in front of God, praying to be humbled. How fast it happens, and really without us even noticing-us thinking that we don't need God....things are good....I'm ok not praying today, or spending time in worship. And what's even worse....I did notice, and it was ok with me. WOW! Conviction....it's an amazing, awful, extraordinary thing. And here I sit....being so heavily convicted.
I was in Promiseland (kids Sunday school) this past Sunday, I'm listening to an amazing woman teach children about the Lord's Prayer. And that's when it hit me (MY GOD used something so simple, in a setting that I continuously tell myself is not for me). Forgiveness and Love....2 things that I have made myself incapable of....because I'm ok not liking some people, and forgiveness? Yeah, right....People obviously have NO idea how important I am. And I say I don't really think this, and NEVER would I actually tell someone that (seriously)...but isn't that actually what we're thinking? I know I do. Love + Forgiveness (MY PRIDE) = my downfall.
I have been angry with precious hearts recently-over the stupidest little things, I have taken myself out of certain events because either things weren't being done the way that I would do them, or because I just didn't have time to be bothered, or because my unforgiving heart (my pride) wouldn't let something go. I sit here now and I hear a voice in my head, " Do you hear yourself? Caryn, Who do you think you are? What is wrong with you?" I have let PRIDE overcome me. I have totally turned my back and have been "bucking" against the changes that MY GOD wants to work in me. And why? Obviously because I know more than my Heavenly Father, who created the universe, who raises people from the dead, who heals the sick, and who has been so merciful to me. I'm a fool. And I say this with total shame. SHAME
So, here I am...again. Pleading with MY GOD, for yet one more chance to "listen...to BE STILL AND KNOW." And the shame really kicks in as I know HE IS THERE....for stupid me. This is my desire....to be used by MY GOD! To be used.....to be open....to be HUMBLED. I sit here in humility, waiting to hear from MY GOD. Ready, once again to listen. I don't know why, but I was ok with the enemy visiting for a while....NOW I'm ready for him to go....GO!
I have been blessed with a voice, and I'm not talking about singing songs. I'm talking about a voice that can either hurt or heal....and lately, I have been hurting more than healing. God I pray for your forgiveness, for hurting instead of helping situations, I pray God that you come and overtake me. Just take me over....I am nothing without you. I want to live a life of worship. Not just Sunday mornings-when it takes 2 or 3 songs to really "get into it". God I pray that you pour into me a heart of worship. I pray that when I use my tongue for anything other than bringing you glory, that it is taken from me....I pray right now, that you take my pride and demolish it, and that you fill me with love for others. Not the easy kind of love for the hurting hearts or for the people I already love. I'm talking about the really hard people. The one's I just don't like. And God you know who I'm talking about, and I pray that you bring me to absolute awful situations with these people, if it means a chance to use the gift of love you intend on me using. Break me of my pride, God. I know that since I have asked for this, there are going to be situations that come to force me to use this love you are giving me, and I pray that YOU remind me of this gift of love and when to use it. I thank YOU for releasing me of the chains I have chosen to shackle around myself.
Now, I lift my hands, and I let MY GOD take control. I have not made myself available to that beautiful "sword slicing" sound in quite a while. I need to hear it again.
"I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the one who gave it all, I'll stand, my soul to YOU Lord I surrender, ALL I am is YOURS..... I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the one who gave it all, and I'll stand, my soul to YOU, Lord I surrender, ALL I am is YOURS...."
I was in Promiseland (kids Sunday school) this past Sunday, I'm listening to an amazing woman teach children about the Lord's Prayer. And that's when it hit me (MY GOD used something so simple, in a setting that I continuously tell myself is not for me). Forgiveness and Love....2 things that I have made myself incapable of....because I'm ok not liking some people, and forgiveness? Yeah, right....People obviously have NO idea how important I am. And I say I don't really think this, and NEVER would I actually tell someone that (seriously)...but isn't that actually what we're thinking? I know I do. Love + Forgiveness (MY PRIDE) = my downfall.
I have been angry with precious hearts recently-over the stupidest little things, I have taken myself out of certain events because either things weren't being done the way that I would do them, or because I just didn't have time to be bothered, or because my unforgiving heart (my pride) wouldn't let something go. I sit here now and I hear a voice in my head, " Do you hear yourself? Caryn, Who do you think you are? What is wrong with you?" I have let PRIDE overcome me. I have totally turned my back and have been "bucking" against the changes that MY GOD wants to work in me. And why? Obviously because I know more than my Heavenly Father, who created the universe, who raises people from the dead, who heals the sick, and who has been so merciful to me. I'm a fool. And I say this with total shame. SHAME
So, here I am...again. Pleading with MY GOD, for yet one more chance to "listen...to BE STILL AND KNOW." And the shame really kicks in as I know HE IS THERE....for stupid me. This is my desire....to be used by MY GOD! To be used.....to be open....to be HUMBLED. I sit here in humility, waiting to hear from MY GOD. Ready, once again to listen. I don't know why, but I was ok with the enemy visiting for a while....NOW I'm ready for him to go....GO!
I have been blessed with a voice, and I'm not talking about singing songs. I'm talking about a voice that can either hurt or heal....and lately, I have been hurting more than healing. God I pray for your forgiveness, for hurting instead of helping situations, I pray God that you come and overtake me. Just take me over....I am nothing without you. I want to live a life of worship. Not just Sunday mornings-when it takes 2 or 3 songs to really "get into it". God I pray that you pour into me a heart of worship. I pray that when I use my tongue for anything other than bringing you glory, that it is taken from me....I pray right now, that you take my pride and demolish it, and that you fill me with love for others. Not the easy kind of love for the hurting hearts or for the people I already love. I'm talking about the really hard people. The one's I just don't like. And God you know who I'm talking about, and I pray that you bring me to absolute awful situations with these people, if it means a chance to use the gift of love you intend on me using. Break me of my pride, God. I know that since I have asked for this, there are going to be situations that come to force me to use this love you are giving me, and I pray that YOU remind me of this gift of love and when to use it. I thank YOU for releasing me of the chains I have chosen to shackle around myself.
Now, I lift my hands, and I let MY GOD take control. I have not made myself available to that beautiful "sword slicing" sound in quite a while. I need to hear it again.
"I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the one who gave it all, I'll stand, my soul to YOU Lord I surrender, ALL I am is YOURS..... I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the one who gave it all, and I'll stand, my soul to YOU, Lord I surrender, ALL I am is YOURS...."
Friday, April 15, 2011
TO GOD BE THE GLORY!
"Oh, Lord, You're beautiful....Your face is all I see, and when you're eyes are on this child, YOUR grace abounds to me"... WOW....one line from ONE SONG! Amazing. Love me some Jesus Culture!
With that being said, what a week! It is always humbling and truly amazing to find out that you have been used by God in some way, for me, it's usually after the fact. But not this week! It's a whole different journey (and for myself and one sweet friend, that is exactly what it is turning out to be) when you KNOW that you are being used by GOD for HIS purpose! This has been my week. And it involved one of my favorite things EVAH....FACEBOOK! I have a friend, who I have known for 30 years!!!! Since we were 4. We were BFF's, then we weren't BFF's then we were BFF's...and that brings us to 3rd grade! HA... Now, with all kidding aside (mental note to self to get serious! I can't stop feeling giddy every time I think of the events of this week and how loving on someone can change their life in an instant).
It just so happened that I was on FB (I know, big surprise) at the exact same time my sweet friend was. And this girl is NEVER on FB. So here is where our story begins. I made a comment to her that led us to heartbreaking conversations...MY GOD knows exactly what HE's doing. The conversations had will be forever remembered in my heart.
My sweet friend, has had some things in her life she's not proud of (who doesn't), but she knows that those events have brought her to where she is today, and where she is going. She has been churched...and now un-churched, through circumstance that only those of us involved in church can understand. She has been under attack from Satan and "ATTACK" is an understatement! But, enough of that talk....talking about these awful circumstances is what the ENEMY wants....let's not give him any more power!
My sweet friend, is desperately trying to come back to OUR GOD. And through our conversations, MY GOD spoke through me to her....and HE said...."Quit trying so hard! I am right here....just waiting....I'll be here...waiting!" WHOA...that is powerful! So powerful to me, because just weeks ago, I got the same message from MY GOD! It does seem like I've been on this road for a while, when in reality....weeks, mere weeks. I am humbled to know that MY GOD sees fit in this circumstance to let me SEE that he is using me! Usually I find out later, much later and that is humbling in itself. But to know and more importantly to feel you are being used???? There are no words......
So, I ask you all to get out your swords....and I just got chills hearing that sweet slicing sound. I ask you to pray for her, for her sweet children and husband. I ask that you simply pray that she sees herself as OUR GOD sees her. That she knows that she is forgiven and loved....SO LOVED! I ask that you all pray for me (which you all should be doing anyway for obvious reasons) :) I want to be a blessing to this family and I want my heart to be open to MY GOD. I want to be used by him. I want to surrender myself to him to be used. And this you know is hard for me...it may involve crying, or hugging or praying with someone that I normally would have no intentions of praying with. And I know this may sound petty to some of you...but this is me. And for your 411 ( yeah I broke out the 411)...I am getting a lot better about hugging people and crying and loving on some people!
I still have a heavy burden on my heart for the hurting....what can we do....what can we do? We have to COME TOGETHER and HEAR that sound...THAT SWEET SLICING SOUND!
"I want to take your word and shine it all around, first help me just to live it Lord, and when I'm doing well, help me to Never seek a crowd, for my reward is bringing glory to YOU! OH Lord, YOU are beautiful!"
To GOD be ALL the Glory....TO GOD be ALL the GLORY....TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY!!!!!!
With that being said, what a week! It is always humbling and truly amazing to find out that you have been used by God in some way, for me, it's usually after the fact. But not this week! It's a whole different journey (and for myself and one sweet friend, that is exactly what it is turning out to be) when you KNOW that you are being used by GOD for HIS purpose! This has been my week. And it involved one of my favorite things EVAH....FACEBOOK! I have a friend, who I have known for 30 years!!!! Since we were 4. We were BFF's, then we weren't BFF's then we were BFF's...and that brings us to 3rd grade! HA... Now, with all kidding aside (mental note to self to get serious! I can't stop feeling giddy every time I think of the events of this week and how loving on someone can change their life in an instant).
It just so happened that I was on FB (I know, big surprise) at the exact same time my sweet friend was. And this girl is NEVER on FB. So here is where our story begins. I made a comment to her that led us to heartbreaking conversations...MY GOD knows exactly what HE's doing. The conversations had will be forever remembered in my heart.
My sweet friend, has had some things in her life she's not proud of (who doesn't), but she knows that those events have brought her to where she is today, and where she is going. She has been churched...and now un-churched, through circumstance that only those of us involved in church can understand. She has been under attack from Satan and "ATTACK" is an understatement! But, enough of that talk....talking about these awful circumstances is what the ENEMY wants....let's not give him any more power!
My sweet friend, is desperately trying to come back to OUR GOD. And through our conversations, MY GOD spoke through me to her....and HE said...."Quit trying so hard! I am right here....just waiting....I'll be here...waiting!" WHOA...that is powerful! So powerful to me, because just weeks ago, I got the same message from MY GOD! It does seem like I've been on this road for a while, when in reality....weeks, mere weeks. I am humbled to know that MY GOD sees fit in this circumstance to let me SEE that he is using me! Usually I find out later, much later and that is humbling in itself. But to know and more importantly to feel you are being used???? There are no words......
So, I ask you all to get out your swords....and I just got chills hearing that sweet slicing sound. I ask you to pray for her, for her sweet children and husband. I ask that you simply pray that she sees herself as OUR GOD sees her. That she knows that she is forgiven and loved....SO LOVED! I ask that you all pray for me (which you all should be doing anyway for obvious reasons) :) I want to be a blessing to this family and I want my heart to be open to MY GOD. I want to be used by him. I want to surrender myself to him to be used. And this you know is hard for me...it may involve crying, or hugging or praying with someone that I normally would have no intentions of praying with. And I know this may sound petty to some of you...but this is me. And for your 411 ( yeah I broke out the 411)...I am getting a lot better about hugging people and crying and loving on some people!
I still have a heavy burden on my heart for the hurting....what can we do....what can we do? We have to COME TOGETHER and HEAR that sound...THAT SWEET SLICING SOUND!
"I want to take your word and shine it all around, first help me just to live it Lord, and when I'm doing well, help me to Never seek a crowd, for my reward is bringing glory to YOU! OH Lord, YOU are beautiful!"
To GOD be ALL the Glory....TO GOD be ALL the GLORY....TO GOD BE ALL THE GLORY!!!!!!
Monday, April 11, 2011
One Word.....
The enemy has to leave, the sick are healed, the dead will rise, lost are saved, condemned feel no shame, every fear has no place, the weak find their strength, hungry souls receive grace, the fatherless are given rest... all of this...one name-JESUS! Redeemer, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man, God Almighty.....Jesus.....just say it....JESUS.....JESUS.....JESUS......there is power...JESUS.....JESUS.....
When I think of Jesus, I always picture him on a throne, so large and so adorned with jewels and made of gold, solid gold. I never can see his face, only light...the brightest light my imagination will allow. In a solid white robe, with a train longer than I can fathom. And then the angels....oh the angels. They are gathered around him, praising his name and fanning him with their wings. I can't even imagine....flying around MY GOD....with wings and just praising. Praising my heart away. What will I do? I can only imagine....I can only imagine. The thought of this is so peaceful and comforting that even the anxiety I feel when I think of ETERNITY....and the UNKNOWN. I hope I am not the only one who feels this way. But when I think of Heaven, I do sometimes get anxious. I guess it's the fear of the unknown.
I have been burdened, heavily burdened with a need for God's word. To know it, breathe it, sleep it, eat it, drink it, to know it..to know it....to know it. To have it in my head when the enemy comes to my door. Which he does, a lot! MY GOD is showing me, this week, the need I have for scripture and prayer. They are the weapons I need to get through the day, to bless others, to be used by him, to let my light shine like never before. Through prayer, I want to be made humble, to be made clean and purified as only MY GOD can do. I heard this week that when we open ourselves up, and let others in on what we need prayer for, and when others pray for us....it's like hearing a sword slicing through the air.....a sword of prayer warriors fighting for my needs and the needs of others. I have pictured this and heard this many times in my head this week....just picture it.....a band of warriors...prayer warriors....in my case it would consist mainly of women. And in my thoughts I stand alone. I say one word, "Jesus". My prayer warriors appear. Swords in holsters on their sides (yeah, not sure if holster is the right word or not....you know where I'm going with this). They gather around me. I am now surrounded by these warriors, saying, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus". Then it happens....they draw their swords and I hear the slicing sound. I am overcome with peace. Can't you just imagine this? WOW. Prayer and scripture....prayer and scripture, prayer and scripture.
God, I pray that you fill me with love. And grace. Grace for others that I never have. I want nothing more, than in any situation, to be able to say Thank You....I praise you, Jesus. Any situation. The complete opposite of what I do now. I pray to be so burdened with the need for YOUR WORD that I can't rest. I thank MY GOD for the changes being made in me. Unfortunately, it's only on the inside so far. But I have faith that at some point He's going to take on the challenge of the outward!
When I think of Jesus, I always picture him on a throne, so large and so adorned with jewels and made of gold, solid gold. I never can see his face, only light...the brightest light my imagination will allow. In a solid white robe, with a train longer than I can fathom. And then the angels....oh the angels. They are gathered around him, praising his name and fanning him with their wings. I can't even imagine....flying around MY GOD....with wings and just praising. Praising my heart away. What will I do? I can only imagine....I can only imagine. The thought of this is so peaceful and comforting that even the anxiety I feel when I think of ETERNITY....and the UNKNOWN. I hope I am not the only one who feels this way. But when I think of Heaven, I do sometimes get anxious. I guess it's the fear of the unknown.
I have been burdened, heavily burdened with a need for God's word. To know it, breathe it, sleep it, eat it, drink it, to know it..to know it....to know it. To have it in my head when the enemy comes to my door. Which he does, a lot! MY GOD is showing me, this week, the need I have for scripture and prayer. They are the weapons I need to get through the day, to bless others, to be used by him, to let my light shine like never before. Through prayer, I want to be made humble, to be made clean and purified as only MY GOD can do. I heard this week that when we open ourselves up, and let others in on what we need prayer for, and when others pray for us....it's like hearing a sword slicing through the air.....a sword of prayer warriors fighting for my needs and the needs of others. I have pictured this and heard this many times in my head this week....just picture it.....a band of warriors...prayer warriors....in my case it would consist mainly of women. And in my thoughts I stand alone. I say one word, "Jesus". My prayer warriors appear. Swords in holsters on their sides (yeah, not sure if holster is the right word or not....you know where I'm going with this). They gather around me. I am now surrounded by these warriors, saying, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus". Then it happens....they draw their swords and I hear the slicing sound. I am overcome with peace. Can't you just imagine this? WOW. Prayer and scripture....prayer and scripture, prayer and scripture.
God, I pray that you fill me with love. And grace. Grace for others that I never have. I want nothing more, than in any situation, to be able to say Thank You....I praise you, Jesus. Any situation. The complete opposite of what I do now. I pray to be so burdened with the need for YOUR WORD that I can't rest. I thank MY GOD for the changes being made in me. Unfortunately, it's only on the inside so far. But I have faith that at some point He's going to take on the challenge of the outward!
Friday, March 25, 2011
March 24,2011
It's been a rough week here at the Hirtriter house. Our beloved dog...Harley Jane, AKA-diddles, AKA-pup-pup din ( I know, right?), was welcomed into Heaven yesterday. She was 14! Yep...14!!!! I don't know how she did it....she was living on love. So, needless to say, it's been a very sad couple of days here. You wouldn't think that coming home would be so different....it is. Nae-Nae and Lolly are such precious girls. Their poor little hearts are broken. But, they say things like, "well, at least she gets to play with grand-dad again, and Kouch and Buster" (2 other family dogs that Harley grew up with). It's hard to lose such a part of the family. And I do realize, people that don't have pets just don't get it. Just like I don't get people who don't have pets.....
Yesterday also would have been my dad's birthday-had he not died on April 16. As I sit here right now, I am having the hardest time making myself talk about this subject. Like I told you before, I pray before every blog. And today is no different. I pray for MY GOD to take over and speak through me and to me. This is a subject I have rarely talk about, and for some reason, I can't not talk about this. I have been very emotional over the last couple of days. I have literally felt myself slipping into anxiety attacks, panic, worry, shame, regret, and questions. To be perfectly honest, I was almost ok with being there. Even though I know that these feelings are not from MY GOD, I gave in and listened to the enemy. It was easier than getting on my knees and being completely open about my feelings. I know it's ok with MY GOD to have feelings of sadness and mourning. The other feelings, definitely not, because I wasn't in a place to glorify MY GOD. And that is what I'm trying to get to-glorifying MY GOD in all things. The difference in me now, and the difference in me a year ago--- I am stopping the cycle. No more negative, shameful, regretful feelings. I know that is not what MY GOD has intended. He has intended on me coming to him. And I did that. Sure it took me a couple of days to get here, but I'm here now. It's times like this, I am convinced this is why MY GOD started this blog with me. As I sit here now, I am feeling a calming peace flowing through me. I believe in time I will get to the point where I am ok with my emotions (or should I say sharing them and showing them). And for some reason, I'm just not there and I know that MY GOD has a reason for that. It's my coping mechanism. And maybe it's so that when we have a pet pass away, and my 9 year old is in the front seat of the car crying out of nowhere, it's me that can reach out and hold her hand and rub her back and tell her it's ok....without being a sobbing fool. Who knows. That's what I'm going with. I do know that a year ago, I would not have cried out to MY GOD for help...and that's all I do sometimes. I cry out "Jesus, help me!" It's still hard for me to talk about feelings and yada, yada, yada, that's what this blog is for. This is for me to share what's on my heart....and for right now....what's in the blog....stays in the blog!
I do miss my dad, and I have never said this out loud. I'd like to think I'll get there. I hope to get to the point where I can share my feelings with people and not care about the outcome. And, as I'm writing this, I'm realizing that I have missed my dad long before April 16.
I pray that MY GOD takes my hands and uses them, takes my heart and opens it and breaks it, literally for what breaks HIS, I want MY GOD to use my body (please Lord take this body! ) for what will glorify him. I want to love MY GOD with all my heart and soul and mite. I am nothing without him and I want and NEED to be reminded of this daily! I am reminded right now, that the trials of my life are mercies in disguise.
So, whoever reads this, please pray for us. And for me....the reasons are too many to mention....just say my name, MY GOD will know what I need. :)
Yesterday also would have been my dad's birthday-had he not died on April 16. As I sit here right now, I am having the hardest time making myself talk about this subject. Like I told you before, I pray before every blog. And today is no different. I pray for MY GOD to take over and speak through me and to me. This is a subject I have rarely talk about, and for some reason, I can't not talk about this. I have been very emotional over the last couple of days. I have literally felt myself slipping into anxiety attacks, panic, worry, shame, regret, and questions. To be perfectly honest, I was almost ok with being there. Even though I know that these feelings are not from MY GOD, I gave in and listened to the enemy. It was easier than getting on my knees and being completely open about my feelings. I know it's ok with MY GOD to have feelings of sadness and mourning. The other feelings, definitely not, because I wasn't in a place to glorify MY GOD. And that is what I'm trying to get to-glorifying MY GOD in all things. The difference in me now, and the difference in me a year ago--- I am stopping the cycle. No more negative, shameful, regretful feelings. I know that is not what MY GOD has intended. He has intended on me coming to him. And I did that. Sure it took me a couple of days to get here, but I'm here now. It's times like this, I am convinced this is why MY GOD started this blog with me. As I sit here now, I am feeling a calming peace flowing through me. I believe in time I will get to the point where I am ok with my emotions (or should I say sharing them and showing them). And for some reason, I'm just not there and I know that MY GOD has a reason for that. It's my coping mechanism. And maybe it's so that when we have a pet pass away, and my 9 year old is in the front seat of the car crying out of nowhere, it's me that can reach out and hold her hand and rub her back and tell her it's ok....without being a sobbing fool. Who knows. That's what I'm going with. I do know that a year ago, I would not have cried out to MY GOD for help...and that's all I do sometimes. I cry out "Jesus, help me!" It's still hard for me to talk about feelings and yada, yada, yada, that's what this blog is for. This is for me to share what's on my heart....and for right now....what's in the blog....stays in the blog!
I do miss my dad, and I have never said this out loud. I'd like to think I'll get there. I hope to get to the point where I can share my feelings with people and not care about the outcome. And, as I'm writing this, I'm realizing that I have missed my dad long before April 16.
I pray that MY GOD takes my hands and uses them, takes my heart and opens it and breaks it, literally for what breaks HIS, I want MY GOD to use my body (please Lord take this body! ) for what will glorify him. I want to love MY GOD with all my heart and soul and mite. I am nothing without him and I want and NEED to be reminded of this daily! I am reminded right now, that the trials of my life are mercies in disguise.
So, whoever reads this, please pray for us. And for me....the reasons are too many to mention....just say my name, MY GOD will know what I need. :)
Monday, March 14, 2011
A love like Hannah's......
It's funny how events transpire, how something can come full circle. I love when this happens and we are able to realize that it has happened, and I love being one that can stand after "the circle is complete" with my head held high and with no regrets. I want to say to anyone reading this that, I love my family. I love my husband, and my precious girls more than life itself. And right now, I am so, SO filled with love for my precious 9 year old, words cannot even describe. I have often wandered "why is she so immature" or "when in the world will she start thinking inside the box, instead of going straight to the outside of the box?" It has finally hit me, a few moments ago, that our Hannah Hirtriter is exactly who MY GOD wants her to be.
For those of you that really know us, you would know that there have been certain incidents that took place, starting in 3rd grade and leading into 4th grade, with a major "blow-up" the second week of Hannah's 4th grade year. It has involved a certain family and with the exception of the previous sentence, I will not speak on this matter further, or speak on this matter ever again, unless there is Glorification to the Lord in store. It has also, been brought to my attention, at this very moment, that I have given this matter to much of my attention. WOW....way too much attention has been put on this matter, I hear you, LORD....I HEAR YOU!!!!
This has been an extremely difficult year for Han. Throughout this year, our prayer has been that God would remove people from Han's life that are not good for her, or that would not bring glory to him. Every morning we pray with the girls before school, and every morning we pray for Han to be filled with kindness and love for others, even those not friendly with her or those she doesn't see eye to eye with. Hannah has done amazing with this task. I have never been more sure that if Han were any other way, the outcome to this year would be so different. My naive, immature, outside of the box thinking, precious, wonderful, forgiving, kind, loving, gentle, and grace-full Han is exactly who she is because MY GOD made her that way. Never will you meet a more special girl....I am convinced. And up until now, I have not appreciated the first 3 things I used to describe her. Those aren't her issues, they are mine....YES I HEAR YOU LORD.....LOUD AND CLEAR.......
So, I am going to continue to pray for love to overwhelm me, a love to pour out on others. I am so convicted and burdened for this. I want to be full of love and grace to others. GOD I pray that you pour these out to me.....Help me to give unto others as YOU have given to me.......
As you all know, I've been reading Crazy Love and there is a passage in this book that tells you to refer to the "love scripture"....you know, "love is gentle, love is kind, it is patient..." The author of this book challenges us to put our name in where the word love is, or where love is referred to. So, in other words, that same scripture would read, Caryn is gentle, Caryn is kind, Caryn is patient, she does not boast......."and so on. I want to be able to put my name in scripture and feel good about the passage. I didn't feel a warm fuzzy feeling when I put my name into this scripture, I think what I felt would best be described as nausea and guilt.I am thankful that MY GOD is making changes in me, very slowly. MY GOD is laying things on my heart that I have never before felt. I feel so passionate about hurting hearts. My soul has been so burdened with those that are hurting and those that may not see or feel there self worth. UUGGGHHH....thinking about some precious people right now, brings me to tears. I would love to be full of the same qualities as my 9 year old....ALL OF THEM! I want to be full of a love like Hannah's. A pure and innocent, forgiving and grace-full love!
Some updates/out of my box moments brought to you from me, courtesy of MY GOD:
~ I introduced myself to someone who has been visiting our church on Saturday.....I actually went up to her and introduced myself....even husband noticed this was a big accomplishment! (no, there was no hug that transpired)
~ I am being overwhelmed with a need to be frugal.....a huge conviction! This has to be from God......
~ not sure why, but adaption has been heavy on my heart lately....guess I should talk to husband....good thing he reads the blog....
~I am so in love with my precious girls and girlfriends.....straight from God comes friendship....I am convinced!
~definitely doing a 5K in October, I need to register
~ still getting ready to train.....I've said it before and I'll say it again..."Rome wasn't built in a day"
~I'm back hard core on the healthy eating......yeah, I fell off for a few days.....it happens....
~my new favorite quote, " It's the Holy Spirit's job to convict, God's job to judge, and my job to LOVE"-Billy Graham
Hirtriter out......
For those of you that really know us, you would know that there have been certain incidents that took place, starting in 3rd grade and leading into 4th grade, with a major "blow-up" the second week of Hannah's 4th grade year. It has involved a certain family and with the exception of the previous sentence, I will not speak on this matter further, or speak on this matter ever again, unless there is Glorification to the Lord in store. It has also, been brought to my attention, at this very moment, that I have given this matter to much of my attention. WOW....way too much attention has been put on this matter, I hear you, LORD....I HEAR YOU!!!!
This has been an extremely difficult year for Han. Throughout this year, our prayer has been that God would remove people from Han's life that are not good for her, or that would not bring glory to him. Every morning we pray with the girls before school, and every morning we pray for Han to be filled with kindness and love for others, even those not friendly with her or those she doesn't see eye to eye with. Hannah has done amazing with this task. I have never been more sure that if Han were any other way, the outcome to this year would be so different. My naive, immature, outside of the box thinking, precious, wonderful, forgiving, kind, loving, gentle, and grace-full Han is exactly who she is because MY GOD made her that way. Never will you meet a more special girl....I am convinced. And up until now, I have not appreciated the first 3 things I used to describe her. Those aren't her issues, they are mine....YES I HEAR YOU LORD.....LOUD AND CLEAR.......
So, I am going to continue to pray for love to overwhelm me, a love to pour out on others. I am so convicted and burdened for this. I want to be full of love and grace to others. GOD I pray that you pour these out to me.....Help me to give unto others as YOU have given to me.......
As you all know, I've been reading Crazy Love and there is a passage in this book that tells you to refer to the "love scripture"....you know, "love is gentle, love is kind, it is patient..." The author of this book challenges us to put our name in where the word love is, or where love is referred to. So, in other words, that same scripture would read, Caryn is gentle, Caryn is kind, Caryn is patient, she does not boast......."and so on. I want to be able to put my name in scripture and feel good about the passage. I didn't feel a warm fuzzy feeling when I put my name into this scripture, I think what I felt would best be described as nausea and guilt.I am thankful that MY GOD is making changes in me, very slowly. MY GOD is laying things on my heart that I have never before felt. I feel so passionate about hurting hearts. My soul has been so burdened with those that are hurting and those that may not see or feel there self worth. UUGGGHHH....thinking about some precious people right now, brings me to tears. I would love to be full of the same qualities as my 9 year old....ALL OF THEM! I want to be full of a love like Hannah's. A pure and innocent, forgiving and grace-full love!
Some updates/out of my box moments brought to you from me, courtesy of MY GOD:
~ I introduced myself to someone who has been visiting our church on Saturday.....I actually went up to her and introduced myself....even husband noticed this was a big accomplishment! (no, there was no hug that transpired)
~ I am being overwhelmed with a need to be frugal.....a huge conviction! This has to be from God......
~ not sure why, but adaption has been heavy on my heart lately....guess I should talk to husband....good thing he reads the blog....
~I am so in love with my precious girls and girlfriends.....straight from God comes friendship....I am convinced!
~definitely doing a 5K in October, I need to register
~ still getting ready to train.....I've said it before and I'll say it again..."Rome wasn't built in a day"
~I'm back hard core on the healthy eating......yeah, I fell off for a few days.....it happens....
~my new favorite quote, " It's the Holy Spirit's job to convict, God's job to judge, and my job to LOVE"-Billy Graham
Hirtriter out......
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
This past Sunday at church, we had a guest speaker-and he was AMAZING! The service was titled "Storm Chasers". The service in a nutshell..."OUR GOD IS BIGGER THAN ANY PROBLEM WE FACE". He also referred to Francis Chan's "Crazy Love". An amazing book, I might add. During the service, we were faced with the question, "when we pray God's will for us, do we really want it?" The example given was, "we have all prayed the following prayer...Lord, we pray for safety as we travel. We ask that no one gets hurt on this trip. Please keep everyone safe until we return, and bring us back safely." "Would we be willing to pray this prayer? God, bring me closer to you during this trip, whatever it takes....."
(This from pg.133 in "Crazy Love". ) I know, that for me personally, I pray for God's will, and I pray that I am open the listen for Him and to hear Him.....but when it comes down to it, do I really mean it? I know that I pray for safety for my family every day. I pray that we will be a blessing to someone else every day. But at what cost? I know I am not ready to pray, "God bring me closer to you, whatever it takes....." I am not ready to lose someone I love, I'm not ready die for the sake of someone else. "People who are obsessed with Jesus aren't consumed with safety and comfort above all else. Obsessed people care more about the kingdom coming to this earth than their own lives being shielded from pain of distress." (pg. 133 again). I am not obsessed. I WANT to be obsessed. I want to have the sole purpose of glorifying God. But I am so not there. My wanting to be there, isn't good enough! It seems like such an easy concept....knowing that God is BIGGER than ANYTHING that we face. I want to have a life free from worry, and I want to be care-free, knowing that MY GOD is going to take care of me. What's holding me back? It's awful to say, but it is easier to pray for safety and to be a blessing to others...than to pray, God whatever you bring to me, I'm ok with, because YOU are bigger than anything.
We sang a song at church Sunday, and the lyrics are: "there's a peace I've come to know, though my heart and flesh may fail, there's an anchor for my soul, I can say, It Is Well, Jesus has overcome, and the grave is overwhelmed, the victory is won, and He is risen from the dead, and I will rise, when He calls my name, no more sorrow, no more pain." So, although I may not be at an obsessed stage yet, I am on my way there....I am closer to being obsessed than I have ever been before. I'm thankful for this. Like I've said
before....Rome wasn't built in a day. :)
I am continuing to ask for hugs if you see me out.....I am getting better at this, husband tells me! Also, pray for me...I want to be obsessed and take everything that comes along with it! I want to have a daily prayer life. This is something that I struggle with....you know....with me being so busy and all ( Yes, I just hear God scoff at me, too!). So, these 2 things.....pray for me,and hug me!
Just wanted to give a shout out to all of my girlfriends! There is NOTHING better than a weekend away with true, Christian friends and having Christian girlfriends to share things with, and pray with....absolutely priceless!
HIRTRITER....out!~
(This from pg.133 in "Crazy Love". ) I know, that for me personally, I pray for God's will, and I pray that I am open the listen for Him and to hear Him.....but when it comes down to it, do I really mean it? I know that I pray for safety for my family every day. I pray that we will be a blessing to someone else every day. But at what cost? I know I am not ready to pray, "God bring me closer to you, whatever it takes....." I am not ready to lose someone I love, I'm not ready die for the sake of someone else. "People who are obsessed with Jesus aren't consumed with safety and comfort above all else. Obsessed people care more about the kingdom coming to this earth than their own lives being shielded from pain of distress." (pg. 133 again). I am not obsessed. I WANT to be obsessed. I want to have the sole purpose of glorifying God. But I am so not there. My wanting to be there, isn't good enough! It seems like such an easy concept....knowing that God is BIGGER than ANYTHING that we face. I want to have a life free from worry, and I want to be care-free, knowing that MY GOD is going to take care of me. What's holding me back? It's awful to say, but it is easier to pray for safety and to be a blessing to others...than to pray, God whatever you bring to me, I'm ok with, because YOU are bigger than anything.
We sang a song at church Sunday, and the lyrics are: "there's a peace I've come to know, though my heart and flesh may fail, there's an anchor for my soul, I can say, It Is Well, Jesus has overcome, and the grave is overwhelmed, the victory is won, and He is risen from the dead, and I will rise, when He calls my name, no more sorrow, no more pain." So, although I may not be at an obsessed stage yet, I am on my way there....I am closer to being obsessed than I have ever been before. I'm thankful for this. Like I've said
before....Rome wasn't built in a day. :)
I am continuing to ask for hugs if you see me out.....I am getting better at this, husband tells me! Also, pray for me...I want to be obsessed and take everything that comes along with it! I want to have a daily prayer life. This is something that I struggle with....you know....with me being so busy and all ( Yes, I just hear God scoff at me, too!). So, these 2 things.....pray for me,and hug me!
Just wanted to give a shout out to all of my girlfriends! There is NOTHING better than a weekend away with true, Christian friends and having Christian girlfriends to share things with, and pray with....absolutely priceless!
HIRTRITER....out!~
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Letter From God
I just received my letter from God. This is a letter that last summer, on June 29,2010 I wrote to God. I poured my heart out to Him on paper. Some things I prayed for and wrote to God about were struggles with loving myself and thinking I was ever good enough to be used by Him. I wrote to God to break me of ME. I wrote that I would remember that MY GOD only wants good for me, not bad. I asked God to give me mercy on myself, and that I would see myself through His eyes...not mine. On the other side of the paper, I wrote a letter from God to me- What I would want to hear from God, and having NO idea where I would be at this point in my life. This is what it says:
2 Timothy 1:7
Dear Caryn,
Come to Me. Call out to Me! I am ALWAYS here. I will never leave you, or forsake you. My love for you is unconditional. My grace will never run out-Cry out to me in your time of need. I am never disappointed or angry with you! I LOVE YOU! You are MY DAUGHTER! Spend time on your knees, talk to ME-Keep our relationship open. LISTEN for me to speak to talk to you. I will always love you!
GOD
Isaiah 61
BE STILL AND KNOW
In the Name of Jesus
2 Timothy 1:7 has only become one of my favorite scriptures from the NLT in the last 2 months or so. Only MY GOD would know where I would be in my life, right now as I received this letter! I had NO idea I would be blogging. No idea that my prayer would be to "BE STILL AND KNOW". No idea the changes in my heart God would be doing. No idea what changes in my lifestyle God would be doing. Only MY GOD knew that I would be at this place of open-ness with Him, that my main prayer is to listen for Him, and to be open to what He says! And only MY GOD would know that the blog He had me start would be called " finally being still and knowing".....
I was in a very sad, lonely, burdened, and broken place last summer. My dad had died in April, under the worst possible circumstances in the world, in my opinion. I was left with regret, anger, questions, guilt, shame...and many other negative emotions I didn't know what to do with. And only MY GOD knew what I needed and when I would be open to Him. And the wonderful part is, MY GOD just waited there for me patiently, with outstretched arms and a love so great and a mercy for me and grace for me that I cannot even understand. MY GOD knew then the changes He was going to bring to me. And MY GOD, waited for me....no questions asked. He just never gave up. And MY GOD is with me right now, with a presence so strong I can feel it in this very room as I'm typing this!
MY GOD....WOW.....what a peace it is knowing.
2 Timothy 1:7
Dear Caryn,
Come to Me. Call out to Me! I am ALWAYS here. I will never leave you, or forsake you. My love for you is unconditional. My grace will never run out-Cry out to me in your time of need. I am never disappointed or angry with you! I LOVE YOU! You are MY DAUGHTER! Spend time on your knees, talk to ME-Keep our relationship open. LISTEN for me to speak to talk to you. I will always love you!
GOD
Isaiah 61
BE STILL AND KNOW
In the Name of Jesus
2 Timothy 1:7 has only become one of my favorite scriptures from the NLT in the last 2 months or so. Only MY GOD would know where I would be in my life, right now as I received this letter! I had NO idea I would be blogging. No idea that my prayer would be to "BE STILL AND KNOW". No idea the changes in my heart God would be doing. No idea what changes in my lifestyle God would be doing. Only MY GOD knew that I would be at this place of open-ness with Him, that my main prayer is to listen for Him, and to be open to what He says! And only MY GOD would know that the blog He had me start would be called " finally being still and knowing".....
I was in a very sad, lonely, burdened, and broken place last summer. My dad had died in April, under the worst possible circumstances in the world, in my opinion. I was left with regret, anger, questions, guilt, shame...and many other negative emotions I didn't know what to do with. And only MY GOD knew what I needed and when I would be open to Him. And the wonderful part is, MY GOD just waited there for me patiently, with outstretched arms and a love so great and a mercy for me and grace for me that I cannot even understand. MY GOD knew then the changes He was going to bring to me. And MY GOD, waited for me....no questions asked. He just never gave up. And MY GOD is with me right now, with a presence so strong I can feel it in this very room as I'm typing this!
MY GOD....WOW.....what a peace it is knowing.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Coming Clean
It hasn't been my intention to only use this blog as a time to share when things are going well. I want to also share when things aren't going great and when I haven't had my "light bulb" moments from God. I have talked to so many people who this blog has touched in one form or another. And that, in itself, is amazing to me. How MY GOD can use me to reach others....it really is baffling to me at times. I don't think it's something that anyone really gets used to....being used by God....GOD....to reach others! Really, just think about that! WOW. Now, on the flip side, I feel I need to be accountable to people who read this. This is my way of having to be accountable to myself and others for what I say and do. I don't even know where to start with this blog....so, what comes next will be straight from the heart, and from MY GOD. I pray before every blog....and this is my accountable part...good or bad, what HE says, goes in......
I have been convicted in the last week or so. I have not been faithful in prayer (or praise) as I should be. Therefore, my week was full of anxiety, bad moods, short temper, a ton of "oh man, why did I just say that" moments, worry, doubt and countless other consequences for taking my eyes off of Him. I have no idea when we will learn....it's such an' easy concept. KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE "PRIZE" .....GOD! So, as I'm sitting here typing this, once again, I am reminded of the Grace of MY GOD! Never ending Grace. I am also guilty of being the girl who prays for those that don't treat us kindly, or does things that irritate us, or people we don't like. That's what we're supposed to do, right? Pray for those who aren't blessed being as perfect as we are. Oh, how wrong I am. I should be on my knees, begging MY GOD to fill me with a love like His, and grace, a never-ending grace. Just like the grace that has been abundantly poured out on me....day after day. So, my prayer is this: "God I pray for you to fill me with a love, like no other love. God, I pray, in Your Name, that you fill me with a spirit of Grace upon others. People owe me NOTHING, God. I pray, God, that you remind me of this daily. I pray God that you never let me forget the grace you give to me daily, when the everyone I know knows I don't deserve it. I pray, right now, God, that You use me to help others find You, I want people to know the meaning of YOUR GREAT NAME! I want others to see the change in me. I want to help the weak find strength in YOU. I want hungry souls to find peace and the fatherless to find the rest that You have given me. God, continue to speak to me and thru me......"
And, so while I'm "coming clean", I may as well go ahead and tell you all that the training for my 5K has come to an abrupt stop. I did, however, do a bunch of planning for it. I have learned that I am not one who enjoys walking or running for that matter, outside. Therefore....a treadmill is on the way. So, give me a break....I can't do anything without a treadmill! Healthy eating is still on track, though. Also, I have 2, yes 2, 5K's in mind to do. So, give me a little break....in the words of RUN DMC...It's Tricky! ( Oh, yeah...I just broke out the RUN DMC) :)
I know this is a bit long, but I also wanted to share some of my new favorite songs with you. If you love music as I do, there is nothing better than an awesome worship song: Manifesto, by The City Harmonic, and All I Need, by JJ Heller.
And finally, I have a request....if it's been a long time since I have seen you, and we see each other out somewhere, and we stop to talk....please hug me (don't just come and sneak up on me and give me a hug out of the blue, that would freak me out!) . It's something else I'm trying to work on. I ran into a precious soul today, that I haven't seen in over a year....and I didn't hug her when I talked to her....it's nagged me all day that I didn't do that!
I have been convicted in the last week or so. I have not been faithful in prayer (or praise) as I should be. Therefore, my week was full of anxiety, bad moods, short temper, a ton of "oh man, why did I just say that" moments, worry, doubt and countless other consequences for taking my eyes off of Him. I have no idea when we will learn....it's such an' easy concept. KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE "PRIZE" .....GOD! So, as I'm sitting here typing this, once again, I am reminded of the Grace of MY GOD! Never ending Grace. I am also guilty of being the girl who prays for those that don't treat us kindly, or does things that irritate us, or people we don't like. That's what we're supposed to do, right? Pray for those who aren't blessed being as perfect as we are. Oh, how wrong I am. I should be on my knees, begging MY GOD to fill me with a love like His, and grace, a never-ending grace. Just like the grace that has been abundantly poured out on me....day after day. So, my prayer is this: "God I pray for you to fill me with a love, like no other love. God, I pray, in Your Name, that you fill me with a spirit of Grace upon others. People owe me NOTHING, God. I pray, God, that you remind me of this daily. I pray God that you never let me forget the grace you give to me daily, when the everyone I know knows I don't deserve it. I pray, right now, God, that You use me to help others find You, I want people to know the meaning of YOUR GREAT NAME! I want others to see the change in me. I want to help the weak find strength in YOU. I want hungry souls to find peace and the fatherless to find the rest that You have given me. God, continue to speak to me and thru me......"
And, so while I'm "coming clean", I may as well go ahead and tell you all that the training for my 5K has come to an abrupt stop. I did, however, do a bunch of planning for it. I have learned that I am not one who enjoys walking or running for that matter, outside. Therefore....a treadmill is on the way. So, give me a break....I can't do anything without a treadmill! Healthy eating is still on track, though. Also, I have 2, yes 2, 5K's in mind to do. So, give me a little break....in the words of RUN DMC...It's Tricky! ( Oh, yeah...I just broke out the RUN DMC) :)
I know this is a bit long, but I also wanted to share some of my new favorite songs with you. If you love music as I do, there is nothing better than an awesome worship song: Manifesto, by The City Harmonic, and All I Need, by JJ Heller.
And finally, I have a request....if it's been a long time since I have seen you, and we see each other out somewhere, and we stop to talk....please hug me (don't just come and sneak up on me and give me a hug out of the blue, that would freak me out!) . It's something else I'm trying to work on. I ran into a precious soul today, that I haven't seen in over a year....and I didn't hug her when I talked to her....it's nagged me all day that I didn't do that!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
I love being reminded of the Power of the Cross....
I hate these mornings. The one's where you think you woke up in time, until you go downstairs and find the dishes from dinner last night still sitting on the stove, kids homework everywhere, no one can find socks, the trash bag leaked all over the floor,and then you step on the scale and NOTHING. Not one lb gone. I hate these mornings. Plus fighting with a 9 year old, and a 5 year old who doesn't want to go to school if she has to brush her hair. No mom of the year award for me (again). Because of course I couldn't even find a scrunchie, and did not end up brushing said 5 year old's hair! My pity party is now over (sometimes it just feels good to vent)!!!!!
And so, ( with about 10 mins. in between the last paragraph) I just got put back in my place by MY GOD, honestly it literally just happened. I was just signing onto this blog, and there is a button you can push to go to "next blog". Thinking I would go to my next blog, I come across a woman's page....called Barefoot and Happy, I think. And across her page it's written, "take off your shoes, you're standing on Holy Ground". This woman is taking her readers on her journey as she is continuously finding tumor after tumor on her body. Thanks again to MY GOD for being there to put me in my place. I should be rejoicing that I am able to fight with my 9 year old, and that my 5 year old has hair with an option to brush or not to brush! I don't really think that MY GOD wants me to minimize my feelings, I think it's ok with Him that my bad morning doesn't have to be like someone else's bad morning. I do think that MY GOD had to put me in a place of pure thankfulness this morning though, because MY GOD knows, I was everything but thankful this morning.
Ive just recently gotten to the point that I'm ok with praying to MY GOD any time during the day. MY GOD is always there. I used to feel that I had to have one long prayer time during the day. Let me add this to my list and pray during my prayers tonight, kind of thing. But for me, MY GOD is available any time and I will pray at any time. I have just come to realize that, I pray and mostly ask for things....I have never had a real time set aside just for praise and thankfulness. So, starting right now, my mornings are set aside for prayers of praise and thankfulness (and of course during the day, too). But for me, just to be sure I start off with a prayer of thanksgiving and a truly thankful heart for Beauty for Ashes!
And so, ( with about 10 mins. in between the last paragraph) I just got put back in my place by MY GOD, honestly it literally just happened. I was just signing onto this blog, and there is a button you can push to go to "next blog". Thinking I would go to my next blog, I come across a woman's page....called Barefoot and Happy, I think. And across her page it's written, "take off your shoes, you're standing on Holy Ground". This woman is taking her readers on her journey as she is continuously finding tumor after tumor on her body. Thanks again to MY GOD for being there to put me in my place. I should be rejoicing that I am able to fight with my 9 year old, and that my 5 year old has hair with an option to brush or not to brush! I don't really think that MY GOD wants me to minimize my feelings, I think it's ok with Him that my bad morning doesn't have to be like someone else's bad morning. I do think that MY GOD had to put me in a place of pure thankfulness this morning though, because MY GOD knows, I was everything but thankful this morning.
Ive just recently gotten to the point that I'm ok with praying to MY GOD any time during the day. MY GOD is always there. I used to feel that I had to have one long prayer time during the day. Let me add this to my list and pray during my prayers tonight, kind of thing. But for me, MY GOD is available any time and I will pray at any time. I have just come to realize that, I pray and mostly ask for things....I have never had a real time set aside just for praise and thankfulness. So, starting right now, my mornings are set aside for prayers of praise and thankfulness (and of course during the day, too). But for me, just to be sure I start off with a prayer of thanksgiving and a truly thankful heart for Beauty for Ashes!
Monday, February 7, 2011
A little update
Just thought I'd share this link....www.c25k.com. It's what I'm using to train for my 5k. I have no idea which 5k I'm going to do...and I have no idea when....I just know this is one of my goals. Also....my healthy eating has been going wonderfully and I already feel and see a difference! This is just another thing I never thought I'd be doing....but, here I am! I'm loving having this blog. Somewhere to just write whatever it is I'm feeling, and for people to want to read it....WOW! I have always thought pretty darn highly of myself....and now for people to actually want to read what I have to say.....EVEN BETTER!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Figuring it all out.....
I just want to take a minute and give a "big shout out" to MY GOD! And when I say a "big shout out", please don't underestimate. I truly mean a "BIG SHOUT OUT" (my innate ability to speak like a 15 year old girl does not do me justice, most of the time)!!! Let me just start by explaining to you that it has taken me SO long to get to the point that I am at right now, at this moment. My God is making things clear to me each and every day. What He is making most clear to me now is that EVERYTHING we have gone through- the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the times of guilt and the times of pleasure, and the times that we think we cannot possibly go on, all of these things are preparing us for what He has in store for us next. If anyone would have told me a year ago, that at this moment, I would be here sharing my heart on a blog, feeling content, forgiven, loved, and like I have something to offer others.....PPPPSSSSHHH.....I never would have believed it. But, it all has brought me to this place. And what a WONDERFUL place it is!
I'm far from perfect, but this morning, as I was praying and thanking My God for revealing Himself (to myself and others) I also prayed that I would be used by Him with this blog. I want to speak about what He is doing in my life and the journey He's taking me on to get there. For the first time, it's exciting to me to know that I am being used by GOD....MY GOD!!!!! It's even exciting to me that when I talk about God- it's MY GOD. There is a song, Your Great Name, by Natalie Grant (who is freakin' amazing and everyone needs to hear this song), that has one of the most powerful lines in it....."All the Weak, find their strength at the sound of Your Great Name, Hungry souls receive grace at the sound of Your Great Name, THE FATHERLESS, FIND THEIR REST".....this line is me.....I have found Rest! I have found Peace! Actually, I have been GIVEN rest, and GIVEN PEACE! WOW....this just made me cry! And that's my cue. My second blog is officially finished! Hey, Rome wasn't built in a day.....
I'm far from perfect, but this morning, as I was praying and thanking My God for revealing Himself (to myself and others) I also prayed that I would be used by Him with this blog. I want to speak about what He is doing in my life and the journey He's taking me on to get there. For the first time, it's exciting to me to know that I am being used by GOD....MY GOD!!!!! It's even exciting to me that when I talk about God- it's MY GOD. There is a song, Your Great Name, by Natalie Grant (who is freakin' amazing and everyone needs to hear this song), that has one of the most powerful lines in it....."All the Weak, find their strength at the sound of Your Great Name, Hungry souls receive grace at the sound of Your Great Name, THE FATHERLESS, FIND THEIR REST".....this line is me.....I have found Rest! I have found Peace! Actually, I have been GIVEN rest, and GIVEN PEACE! WOW....this just made me cry! And that's my cue. My second blog is officially finished! Hey, Rome wasn't built in a day.....
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
I have NO idea how I got here.....
As I'm sitting here typing this, I am wandering what has happened to me in the last month! I have honestly NO idea how I got here, what I am going to talk about or post, or why people would be interested in reading what I have to say. The only thing that I do know, is this very moment (the one I have tried to ignore for a while), has been planned by MY CREATOR who loves me and wants me more that I can even imagine! Having a blog has NEVER appealed to me! But this year, 2011, has been amazingly wonderful for me, and it's only February! My goal this year, is to listen for God to speak to me, and to DO what He says. To BE STILL and KNOW! Did you notice my blog address-is that what you call it???I am SO excited to finally be at a place of peace and contentment. Knowing that absolutely nothing I can ever come across is bigger than MY GOD! No need to worry.....MY GOD has my back! I guess, looking at this now, that is how I got here. I don't think I come up with these ideas on my own....I would be perfectly happy laying in bed watching The Golden Girls right now. I guess this will be where I put my daily struggles, what 's on my heart, what God is showing me and teaching me, how my training is going for my first 5K(and yes, I plan on running it), and just my daily thoughts in general, which will probably be a bad thing at some points.
ok.....let's get this started and see what happens!
ok.....let's get this started and see what happens!
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