I just need to share exactly what's on my heart. I can't believe it's been almost 2 months since I last wrote. I am completely overtaken at how MY GOD has moved in my life since my first post. My heart, my life, my spirit, my laugh, my tears, my purpose, and my writing has a complete new meaning. When I first started to write, it was for healing. And I have never been more thankful to say, "thank you, MY GOD, for Your precious healing." I have been shown that no matter how broken, used, ugly, beat down, unworthy, and shameful we think we are, that is not how OUR GOD sees us. Nor is it the way HE wants us to see ourselves. From now on, my writing (which I am going to try to do every MONDAY), will be changed. Because I am changed. I am a child of GOD and I want to be used. No matter how broken or imperfect....I am a wonderfully made child of GOD.
I thank GOD for His total awesomeness, I thank GOD for all He has blessed me with, for all that I am aware of and mostly for the blessings I am unaware of! I thank Him for revealing Himself to me and also to those around me. I thank MY GOD for the precious Christian friends HE has hand picked and put in my life....even if it is for a season....I am thankful!
My testimony is this....I was broken, ashamed, feeling un-loved and feeling like I couldn't be used. I was tired. So tired of feeling this way. I needed something more. And in January it happened....I WANTED something more, I WANTED be used. And that's all HE needed. Me Wanting. That's all He needed......So, here I am with this "want" to be used and this "want" of something more. Then, MY GOD told me to write a blog, and make sure others read it, too. I thought, "I don't write, and if I did I wouldn't tell anyone." But, I did it. And this would be my first step in true obedience to MY GOD. Every single time I would write, MY GOD would speak to me, and I know that I heard Him loud and clear....because He knows that's what I need....LOUD AND CLEAR....like burning bush clear! So, I would write and pray, and He would listen and speak. Isn't God just wonderful in that way?
So, here I am with this "want" to be used and this "want" of something more. And He started speaking. Every time I wrote. And people actually read. People that I didn't even know read this blog and let me know of the impact it was having in their lives....Yep, I wanted to be used, and HE used. He has filled me with an inner joy and and a heart to want to be better and to want better for others and a prayer for unbelief to be conquered! OUR GOD is who He says He is, He can do what He says He'll do, and my MOST favorite of all....WE are who HE says we are....WOW! If that doesn't get you....check your freakin' pulse.....WE are who HE says we are!
So, this is now my journey. Not to be perfect, not to feel perfect, but to live a life of prayer and worship and to show others that unbelief can be conquered. Please don't read this and think that I am now trouble-free and have perfect circumstances, and that I have no worries....these are daily issues for me. I just don't put all of my focus on them. Worry, for me, means to doubt MY GOD. And I have learned, the hard way, this is not the smartest thing to do. God has not asked us to believe IN Him....He wants us to BELIEVE HIM. One of my favorite quotes, from one of my most favorite women ever, Beth Moore..." Believing and speaking the truth of God's word is like receiving blessed CPR from the Holy Spirit." I have been given this CPR!
So, I pray this, " I want to trust You in all situations. Even when they look like they are going the opposite way that I would have them go. I pray that You help me remember to be thankful in EVERY thing. To pray without ceasing. I pray that I "see the doughnut, not the hole." I thank you for Conquering and Rising! I thank you for being the GOD of my salvation. I pray that You continue to fill me with the faith I need to never let unbelief conquer me...again. I pray that when I worship, I can continue to close my eyes and remember that I am worshiping to an audience of ONE. I am thankful for seasons. The good and the bad. Thank You for the bad ones that lead to the wonderful. Most of all, I am so thankful that You love me just as I am, but I am more thankful that you love me enough not to leave me that way!"
Now, I don't care if I cry or if anyone sees me.
I'm getting a t-shirt that says "FREE HUGS" and Ima wear it proudly!
I have a passion for prayer. Hard, gut wrenching prayer. To hear that swishing sound of swords when we all come together and let our voices be heard....this gives me chills.
I have a passion for hurting hearts and those who are conquered by unbelief.
I have a passion for worship....true worship....7 days a week, 24 hours a day.....
I love having passion again......
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