Cycle-Pit-Jumper

I have never EVER been more certain than right now, that satan is a disgusting, slimy, slithering snake.  His primary purpose is to kick us when we're down and get us as far away from our Savior as possible.  He wants us so deep in "the" pit, that we think, "this is just how it's going to be, this is how it's always been, this is what is meant for me".  I am here to tell you, IT is a LIE.   It is only Satan trying to bring you down right now!   He is trying to keep you in whatever pit you are in, whether you were kicked into the pit, whether you were pushed into the pit or whether you just jumped in...this is his plan.   He is trying to get you to feel so awful about yourself, to get you to start with the "poor me" sob story, which will only lead to self pity and anger.  He is doing whatever he can, using whatever he knows will just knock you on your tale....to bring us as far away from our Savior as He can.   Because he thinks that when we are so far down, when we feel totally destroyed, that it is safe for him to move onto someone else and attack.
  I have learned (and by learned I really mean I was struck in the face with this yesterday morning at 8:17am) that we can NEVER be destroyed....we can be knocked down....but NEVER can we be destroyed with God and the Holy Spirit!
  I  had NO idea that I was in a pit. I put the girls on the bus yesterday morning, after a very bad morning with Ella. I walked back into the house, crying, I was DONE! Something needed to change, I needed to do something. What was wrong with me?
I sat on the couch and I kept thinking, "I need to be in the Word, I need Him now, this minute, more than I have in a very long time".  But I didn't even know where to look.  So, I looked up my friend, Beth on the internet.  (Some of you may call her Beth Moore, but her and I are now on first name basis....well, I'm sure we would be if she knew I existed.)   I go to Wednesday's with Beth Moore on Lifetoday.org.  James Robison and Beth are talking about pits.
  So, I'm sitting here, listening so intently on what she is saying, because that's what you do with, Beth, you intently listen, and it hit me!  Holy flippin cow.....I am in a pit!  Not only am I in a pit, but I jumped in!  And I jumped in because that is what I do....I am a cycle-pit-jumper! 
I have successfully jumped into one of the same pits that I have been in many (so many) times before.  A pit can be any situation that we think will never get better, that "it is what it is", anything that makes us feel like we can't get our feet on the ground, and anything or anyone that makes us lose our vision of God.  I was so frustrated with life in general yesterday morning.  I was so done with the way that things had been going.  And yesterday morning, I realized, this is God.  This is God making me so miserable in this pit that I will do whatever it takes to get out and not come back again.  God was getting my attention.  I haven't been having a relationship with Him, I haven't been living in Him.  Instead, I went pit-jumping and needed to be rescued like only He can rescue.  I was in bondage because I wasn't fully trusting God.  So, I got on my knees and I did these 3 things:
1-  I cried out for Help.  I cried to be saved.  I cried out for His mercy, once again. 
2-  I repented.  I asked for forgiveness for not fully trusting, for the un-love in my heart, for not being forgiving of things that have happened in the past, for wanting so much from someone that is just not capable of giving what I need. I told God I was angry.  I was angry that He didn't give me something that I thought I should have had.  And I repented of so much more......
3-  I consented to God.  I totally consented to all of the good He has for me.  I opened my arms and my heart....just waiting for all of the wonderful things He has in store for me.  I am waiting.....

A pit doesn't have to be an addiction, or something clearly marked with a "THIS IS YOUR PIT" sign.   I challenge you to get with God.  On your knees, in complete humility.  That's what I did.  And I had the ugly cry going on, too!  Go to Him and ask Him to reveal what your pit may be.  Whether you jumped in, or whether you were born into it....it doesn't matter.   It's not what God has for us. 

So, I'm back at home now.  To a quiet, peaceful, empty house.  And....I have to say, it's kind of lonely and sad.  I don't care who you are, the first day of school is always hard.  Whether you like to admit it or not...it's hard.  And after yesterday, a day I would like to refer to as Ella Club (yes, just like Fight Club, only  with a 6 year old), I was SO ready for school to start back.  Especially for Ella.  I found myself wandering all day, "is there really a way to make your child too independent?"  "How in the world did she get like this?"  "Who is this kid?"  "WTHECK????????????"   And then, the awful realization, "she's just like me!"  People say it all the time, and I have NO idea what you all are talking about!  From not wanting me to pick out any of her clothes, to "knowing exactly what size I wear, and this you have to wear tighter because it looks better tight",  to sitting in a restaurant and breaking into, "Na-na-na-na-na-na-na I'm gonna start a fight" (Pink), then straight into, " You stole my heart and you made me cry, I wanna uh-uh-uh-undue it" (Carrie Underwood),and these were sung loudly too,  to walking, I mean strutting, through stores yesterday like she owned the place....I was DONE!  I was so thankful today was THE day.  And now, I'm wandering what this wet, clear, salty, water-like substance is that keeps welling up in my eye orifices!  So, although I'm not at the Walmart walking around aimlessly for hours (yes, hours...don't judge me!) looking at office and school supplies...I'm still a bit sad.  I have a 5th grader and a 1st grader.  WOW....I know that every single parent feels that way....but WOW!  So, I'm gonna go and drown my sadness in my great walk outdoors....and listen to my ipod, and then come home and possibly clean some windows or something.  That's my day.  And I'm gonna be in prayer for this school year.  I am thanking God right now...for this wonderful school year.  And for the wonderful things He is going to do this year.  Especially with Hannah.  She is going to realize what God has in store for her and she is going to realize that she is who GOD says she is!  Praise Jesus!  Thank You God for this wonderful school year! 
Then....after school, we are going to Sweet Bee to have a yogurt and talk about the day! 

Just a few thoughts....

~ I hate that this is the last week of summer vacation!  I'm just not looking forward to homework and getting everyone up early in the mornings.

~Ella's first grade teacher is going to have her hands full.

~I would appreciate prayers for Hannah.  That her 5th grade year will be wonderful.  That she will feel confident with herself and have daily courage to speak up for herself.  That she will be confident in who she is, and that she is who God says she is, and that she will let herself out of her "shell" long enough to make new friends.

~Pray for me, for Chris and I.  That we are giving our girls what they need at home, that we let them know who God says they are, so that they can make responsible decisions when we're not around. 

~Hannah did a great job baking last night (until midnight) for the fair....hopefully she'll do well.

~New Christmas cookie favorite-Snickerdoodle Cookies with a cream cheese filling....doesn't sound like something you're interested in....OH.....please let me know....I will hand deliver them to you.  UHH-MAZE-ING! :)

~Still working on my 5K training....doing better than I ever thought I would.  However....I've now done something to my knee.  I'm pretty sure it's just my body rejecting exercise. Or, it could be from my excursion at the Walmart....or it could be the 1500 times I fell going UP and DOWN the camper stairs this weekend when we were camping?????

~I enjoy biking.  And when I say biking, I really mean drifting....not a fan of pedaling the whole time.

~It is hard to trust GOD when you really want something and it just doesn't seem to be happening. I have been saying this prayer repeatedly, "God I thank You for protecting me from everything I don't know of.  I cast on You all of my anxiety and worry.  Thank You for taking it from me.  I am putting all of my trust in You, God, to do what You do.  And I pray, no matter what the outcome, that I remain thankful and faithful to You and Your work."

~I am really trying hard to not be the kind of person that when I don't like someone, they know and everyone else knows. (by facial expressions, lack of talking, evil glares, etc.,because, that is TOTALLY who I am, and I am SO wrong for this!)  I am trying to be more kind, even in the worse situations. 

Now this is the GOD I'm talking about!

Girl put life on line in to save Wash. state boy

By JEFF BARNARD - Associated Press,MIKE BAKER - Associated Press

LONG BEACH, Wash. (AP) — As Charles Ostrander flailed in the turbulent waves of the Pacific, it was another 12-year-old who put her life on the line to save him — the first in a series of responders who eventually pulled Ostrander back from the brink of death.

Nicole Kissel's daring actions provided rescue crews with what turned out to be a crucial extension of time. Ostrander, who goes by his nickname Dale, ended up spending several minutes lost in the water, was found lifeless in the surf but has since been revived in a remarkable recovery that defied even the expectations of his parents.

On Wednesday, he was out of the ICU and starting to talk with his family.

(AP Photo/Chinook Observer, Damian Mulinix) - Click to see more photos of boy's dramatic rescue.

After hearing Dale's call for help Friday, Nicole immediately turned her boogie board toward deeper waters despite the objections of her father, who shouted over the crashing waves about the dangerous conditions. Nicole managed to reach Dale, who was struggling to stay afloat, and helped him onto the three-foot board. Together, the two youths struggled against the rip current that had turned an average day at a popular beach into chaos.

"When we were on that board, I kind of shouted out to myself: 'We're going to die. I can't die like this,'" Nicole recalled.

Dale, meanwhile, had offered words of assurance: "Keep paddling. We're almost there."

If only.

A rogue wave slammed into the pair, knocking them off the board. Nicole managed to get back up, but Dale disappeared back into the surf.

By the time rescuers had reached the beach, fellow members of the church group Dale had been traveling with were huddled in tears and prayer while some stood on trucks trying to get a vantage point to spot him.

Eddie Mendez, a volunteer water rescuer, was working his day job at a construction site when the emergency call came in. The 34-year-old immediately drove over to the beach and changed into a wet suit while his colleague launched two jet skis.

Mendez said he saw a shadow moving under the breaking water offshore, so he and a diver rushed over. They scanned the area for a few minutes before Mendez spotted the shadow again. They found the boy floating about two feet below the surface of the water.

"He was white-pale and face down," Mendez said.

As they pulled the boy on board, Mendez realized he was rescuing a child — about the age of his own daughter.

"I thought, 'Wow, this is like my own child,'" Mendez said.

Mendez drove the boy to the beach, where emergency responders began trying to revive him. There was no sign of life but they kept performing CPR as they transported him. Finally, after Dale reached a nearby hospital, his pulse returned.

Then Dale was flown from the southwest Washington coast to OHSU Doernbecher Children's Hospital in Portland, Ore. His parents were still steeling themselves for the worst.

"I expected to say our goodbyes and so did my wife, and we were just prepared for that," said Chad Ostrander, who was at the family's home in Spanaway, Wash., when it happened. But on Sunday night, as he was eased off sedatives, Dale opened his eyes.

"At that moment, that was the first glimmer of any hope," his father said. "It didn't mean he was going to make it. It just meant that there was hope."

It's unclear whether he'll fully recover, but his parents have hope.

"There's been several miracles just in the circumstances of finding him, the fact that he's not dead, the fact that he can move, the fact that he can speak," Chad Ostrander said. "Unbelievable."

Generally, the chances of surviving a near-drowning increase when a person is young, the water is cold and the time spent underwater is short. Dr. Mark Morocco, an emergency room doctor at the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center, said medical literature cites at least one case in which a person survived after being submerged for about an hour.

Morocco said the fact that Dale was wearing long sleeves probably helped him.

It is not clear how long the boy was actually underwater. Mendez said about 15 minutes elapsed between the time rescuers were dispatched and the time Dale was pulled from the ocean.

Morocco, who was not involved in Dale's care, said swift treatment was key. He credited rescuers for continuing resuscitation efforts even though the boy lacked a pulse and reflexes.

"When this kid came out of the surf, he looked dead," he said. "But you have to ignore the fact that he looks dead" and give CPR.

Dale starting talking on Monday. When his parents encouraged him to cough to clear his throat, he replied, "I don't have to."

Doctors have cautioned his parents that even if Dale survives, he could have permanent brain damage.

The physicians "were very clear that he had been under for too long, had been without oxygen for too long," Kirsten Ostrander said. "We trust (God) no matter what."

Dale will need speech and physical therapy, and can't get out of his hospital bed yet, his father said.

"Things are going along better than anyone expected so at this point we're very happy," he said.

"Honestly, all of the doctors' prospects are very negative. They're very honest and blunt. But they said every once in a while there's a miracle, and we don't want to give up on that," Ostrander said.

Dale has uttered a few more words. Ostrander said that when he told him he couldn't get out of bed, "He reared up and said, 'Yes, I can.'"

Two more words came Wednesday, when Nicole Kissel visited him.
She said he seemed to have trouble focusing his eyes for most of the 15-minute reunion. But as she left, he made eye contact for the first time and said, "Thank you."
___
Barnard reported from Grants Pass, Ore. Associated Press writers Jonathan J. Cooper in Portland, Ore., and Alicia Chang in Los Angeles contributed to this report.

Just some things on my mind.....

-I am tired of fighting with my girls....therefore, almost ready for school to start!  (I only say this today, because I'm frustrated....the thought of school starting actually makes me sick)

-I don't want to be the kind of person that people don't want to do things in front of for fear that I will make fun of them

-I love the way that God uses Beth Moore to speak to me

- I love Phil Wickham....my latest favorite

-I love that God gives us the ability to have faith that can move mountains.....

-I love not knowing every single thing that God has protected us from or held us back from on any given day

-I want to get better at making memories with my girls

-I have a heavy heart for our church congregation....

-I cannot wait to see what God does in the lives of those who see the movie"Courageous"!  P-O-W-E-R-F-U-L! 

I used to hate the thought of CPR.....until it was given to me!

I just need to share exactly what's on my heart.  I can't believe it's been almost 2 months since I last wrote. I am completely overtaken at how MY GOD has moved in my life since my first post.  My heart, my life, my spirit, my laugh, my tears, my purpose, and my writing has a complete new meaning.  When I first started to write, it was for healing.  And I have never been more thankful to say, "thank you, MY GOD, for Your precious healing."  I have been shown that no matter how broken, used, ugly, beat down, unworthy, and shameful we think we are, that is not how OUR GOD sees us.  Nor is it the way HE wants us to see ourselves.  From now on, my writing (which I am going to try to do every MONDAY), will be changed.   Because I am changed.  I am a child of GOD and I want to be used.  No matter how broken or imperfect....I am a wonderfully made child of GOD. 
I thank GOD for His total awesomeness, I thank GOD for all He has blessed me with, for all that I am aware of and mostly for the blessings I am unaware of!  I thank Him for revealing Himself to me and also to those around me.  I thank MY GOD for the precious Christian friends HE has hand picked and put in my life....even if it is for a season....I am thankful!
My testimony is this....I was broken, ashamed, feeling un-loved and feeling like I couldn't be used.  I was tired.  So tired of feeling this way.  I needed something more.  And in January it happened....I WANTED something more, I WANTED be used.   And that's all HE needed. Me Wanting.  That's all He needed......So, here I am with this "want" to be used and this "want" of something more.    Then, MY GOD told me to write a blog, and make sure others read it, too.  I thought, "I don't write, and if I did I wouldn't tell anyone."   But, I did it.  And this would be my first step in true obedience to MY GOD.   Every single time I would write, MY GOD would speak to me, and I know that I heard Him loud and clear....because He knows that's what I need....LOUD AND CLEAR....like burning bush clear!  So, I would write and pray, and He would listen and speak.  Isn't God just wonderful in that way?
So, here I am with this "want" to be used and this "want" of something more.  And He started speaking. Every time I wrote.  And people actually read.  People that I didn't even know read this blog and let me know of the impact it was having in their lives....Yep, I wanted to be used, and HE used.  He has filled me with an inner joy and and a heart to want to be better and to want better for others and a prayer for unbelief to be conquered! OUR GOD is who He says He is, He can do what He says He'll do, and my MOST favorite of all....WE are who HE says we are....WOW!  If that doesn't get you....check your freakin' pulse.....WE are who HE says we are! 
So, this is now my journey.  Not to be perfect, not to feel perfect, but to live a life of prayer and worship and to show others that unbelief can be conquered.  Please don't read this and think that I am now trouble-free and have perfect circumstances, and that I have no worries....these are daily issues for me.  I just don't put all of my focus on them.  Worry, for me, means to doubt MY GOD.  And I have learned, the hard way, this is not the smartest thing to do.  God has not asked us to believe IN Him....He wants us to BELIEVE HIM.   One of my favorite quotes, from one of my most favorite women ever, Beth Moore..." Believing and speaking the truth of God's word is like receiving blessed CPR from the Holy Spirit."   I have been given this CPR!
So, I pray this, " I want to trust You in all situations.  Even when they look like they are going the opposite way that I would have them go.  I pray that You help me remember to be thankful in EVERY thing.  To pray without ceasing.  I pray that I "see the doughnut, not the hole."  I thank you for Conquering and Rising!  I thank you for being the GOD of my salvation.  I pray that You continue to fill me with the faith I need to never let unbelief conquer me...again.  I pray that when I worship, I can continue to close my eyes and remember that I am worshiping to an audience of ONE.  I am thankful for seasons.  The good and the bad. Thank You for the bad ones that lead to the wonderful.  Most of all, I am so thankful that You love me just as I am, but I am more thankful that you love me enough not to leave me that way!"
Now, I don't care if I cry or if anyone sees me.
I'm getting a t-shirt that says "FREE HUGS" and Ima wear it proudly!
I have a passion for prayer.  Hard, gut wrenching prayer.  To hear that swishing sound of swords when we all come together and let our voices be heard....this gives me chills. 
I have a passion for hurting hearts and those who are conquered by unbelief. 
I have a passion for worship....true worship....7 days a week, 24 hours a day.....
I love having passion again......